The Swift Report

Harry Potter Faces Most Devilish Opponent to Date

In the latest installment of the Harry Potter films, the young bespectacled wizard faces the darkest, most devious threat of his brief career: the powerful and mysterious leader of a secretive order. Now, some parents are warning that Harry's newest nemesis may be too frightening for young children.

Pope's Scrapbook Shows Softer Side

Benedict XVI may be known for his 'take no prisoners' approach to theological enforcement and for instilling the fear of God among followers, but the "Panzer Pope" also has a softer side. Like millions of people around the globe, the new Pontiff is a fervent adherent of the art of 'scrapbooking.' Called 'scrapping' by true believers, it's a hobby that involves pasting pictures, newspaper clippings and other memorabilia into custom-decorated albums, then supplementing these images with personal thoughts or reflections known as "journaling."

Iraqi Constitution Snags on Gay Marriage

Members of the Iraqi National Assembly are still struggling to come to an agreement on how the country's new constitution should handle a controversial issue: gay marriage. The delay in completing a constitution for Iraq comes as a blow to the Bush Administration which went into Iraq more than two years ago in order to defend traditional marriage.

Miers 'Chaste,' Religious Leader Assured

Seeking to win over conservative Christians to the side of Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers, administration officials have begun to spread the word that the unmarried Ms. Miers is 'chaste,' and has never lain with a man. If confirmed, Ms. Miers will likely be the first virgin justice to join the Supreme Court.

Few Americans Familiar with More than Four of Ten Commandments

While the Ten Commandments are increasingly popular in both text and tablet form, a new poll has found that few Americans are familiar with more than four of them. The Biblical bans on murder, theft, and adultery ranked highest among adults surveyed, while only a handful were familiar with Commandments prohibiting graven images and false witness.

Group Warns Spaying, Neutering Promote Pet Promiscuity

A growing number of traditionalist pet owners are refusing to have their dogs and cats spayed and neutered, saying that surgical sterilization encourages pets to be sexually active before they are emotionally ready.

Plan to Make Americans Nine Months Older Gains Ground

If a group of conservative political leaders gets its way, every American will soon be nine months older than they are today. According to the Truth in Age Act, currently being debated on Capitol Hill, the lives of individuals will be dated not from birth but from conception. While the measure has strong backing from values voters, supporters expect a tough fight from celebrities, few of whom want to see an additional 9 months tacked onto their ages.

Indictment Likely to Keep Tom DeLay from Heaven

The political future of House Majority Leader Tom DeLay is in doubt today after he was indicted on a conspiracy charge. But the current heat on Mr. DeLay is nothing in comparison to what he'll experience if ethics charges result in him being 'left behind' to face a seven-year period of war, disease, famine and natural disaster known as the Tribulation.

Fears Mount Over Homosexual Energy Agenda

With oil prices on the rise--and demand for petroleum products steadily swelling--Americans are increasingly concerned about a homosexual energy agenda that seeks to force SUV's and other gas guzzlers off the road in favor of gay cars and trucks. Anxiety about the agenda mounted this week with the news that several large energy concerns are now among the most gay-friendly companies in the country.

Judge Judy, Joe Brown on Supreme Court Short List

The battle over a Supreme Court justice to replace Justice Sandra Day O'Connor is heating up, and the White House is giving its short list a good reshuffle. Off the list for now, mild-mannered former petroleum industry lobbyist Priscilla Owen and hot-tempered Janice Rogers Brown, both of whom could crumble under withering interrogation from the likes of Senators Ted Kennedy and Joe Biden. Taking their place: a handful of judges who likely won't lose their cool amid the white hot glare of the spotlight: Judge Judy and Joe Brown.