Miers 'Chaste,' Religious Leader Assured

Seeking to win over conservative Christians to the side of Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers, administration officials have begun to spread the word that the unmarried Ms. Miers is 'chaste,' and has never lain with a man. If confirmed, Ms. Miers will likely be the first virgin justice to join the Supreme Court.

Potential justice joins Jesus, John, Paul in ranks of famous virgins

By Deanna Swift

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WASHINGTON, DC—Jesus. John. Paul. Harriet. Besides their deep and abiding faith, what do the early Christians have in common with Harriet Miers, President Bush's nominee to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court? Chastity, say sources close to the nominee. Now, in an effort to win the hearts of conservative Christians who've been cool to Ms. Miers due to her lack of a paper trail and her single status, administration officials plan to reach out to religious leaders, assuring them that the President's pick for the top court is chaste.

A 'singleton's' status prompts concern
When Mr. Bush announced his choice of Supreme Court Justice two weeks ago, it didn't take long for tongues to begin wagging about that fact that the 60-year old Ms. Miers had never married. Dark minds on the Internet and beyond immediately speculated that Ms. Miers' practical haircut and comfortable footwear were signs of lesbianism. Some supporters rushed to defend the nominee's heterosexuality, noting that she is often seen in the company of Nathan L. Hecht of the Texas Supreme Court.

Choosing chastity
But the relationship between Miers and Hecht is solely a 'faith match,' say sources close to the couple. "Harriet's cause is the cause of the kingdom of Heaven, and the Bible is clear on this: virginity is better than marriage when you have a righteous cause," explains Becky Vondenburg, a member of Miers' former prayer circle at the Valley View Christian Church outside of Dallas, the church she attended prior to moving to Washington, DC in 2001. Ms. Miers now participates in a White House prayer group alongside White House spokesman Dan Bartlett and Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff, I. Scooter Libby.

A reassuring phone call
While the White House has been officially mum on the subject of Ms. Miers' fleshly fidelity, sources close to the administration say that Karl Rove mentioned her chastity in a conversation with conservative Christian leader Dr. James Dobson. The two spoke privately about Ms. Miers the day before her nomination was announced, and soon after Dr. Dobson told supporters that he 'knew things about Harriet Miers that he probably shouldn't know.'

The first virgin justice?
If confirmed to the Supreme Court, Ms. Miers will be the first chaste woman to join the nation's top court. Two other women preceded her to the bench: Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, both of whom were married and are believed to have engaged in coital relations prior to their marriages. Of the men currently serving on the court, only Justice David Souter is chaste. The other justices, including the newly seated Chief Justice John G. Roberts, are either married or have forsaken the kingdom of Heaven.

Are you more likely to support the nomination of Harriet Miers because she is chaste? Talk back to Deanna Swift.

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Comments

[Vanitas]

The heck with the hair coloring!

Am I the only one who wishes that she'd had a little 'work' done here and there? You know, those bags are going to make it hard to see the path of righteousness.

[Bob Davis]

I like the idea of considering hair color, along with lipstick color, and hosiery brand as well. These are important issues that the American public deserves to know about before we allow a lifetime appointment to go through. After all, we found out what brand of underwear Chief Justice Roberts wears (jockey). I'm withholding my vote until we find out. I do get a vote, don't I?

[coal_train]

You'd be chaste too if you spent the last decade with your nose stuck up W's rear end.

[Sloopy]

"Are you more likely to support the nomination of Harriet Miers because she is chaste?"

NO! This has nothing to do with the position of chief justice. You may as well make hair color a deciding factor in choosing chief justices. What a bunch of idiocy.