With oil prices on the rise--and demand for petroleum products steadily swelling--Americans are increasingly concerned about a homosexual energy agenda that seeks to force SUV's and other gas guzzlers off the road in favor of gay cars and trucks. Anxiety about the agenda mounted this week with the news that several large energy concerns are now among the most gay-friendly companies in the country.
Price of anti-gay gas is expected to soar
By Deanna Swift
WASHINGTON, DC—Anxiety over the homosexual energy agenda mounted this week with the news that several major energy concerns, including Chevron and BP America, are among the most gay-friendly companies in the country. The news prompted concern that pro-family Americans may be forced to choose between a shrinking number of corporations that continue to discriminate against homosexuals, thus driving up the price of anti-gay gas. By midday, anti-gay oil was trading at more than $70 a barrel.
A tax on consumption
Mr. Bush addressed the subject yesterday in a wide-ranging talk that touched on such seemingly disparate topics as the excessive use of lighting in gay dance clubs, the misperception that the Toyota Prius is a 'gay' car and ongoing concerns about a homosexual cartel in the nuclear power industry. The President laid out an ambitious plan to curb excessive consumption of energy by gays, who by some estimates consume as much as 20% of the nation's energy allotment, including oil imported from Saudi Arabia and Venezuela, and natural gas that is piped down from gay-friendly Canada. A recent study by the independent think tank, Americans for Traditional Energy Consumption, concludes that oil from the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge or ANWR could fuel American SUV's for nearly two years—if gays reduced their trips to the gym by half.
Mr. Bush singled out practices that he said were particularly wasteful, including the excessive use of hair dryers, hot tubs and the installation of recessed or track lighting to show off Waterford crystal collections and other domestic show pieces. The President also hinted that his administration might consider the imposition of a tax on such wasteful consumer goods to phase out—or at least discourage—their use. "The problem is clear; the problem did not develop overnight," Mr. Bush told the crowd of small businessmen. "It is not going to be fixed overnight."
The Prius: not just for gays
In addition to the tough talk about track lighting, Mr. Bush also encouraged Americans to explore alternative sources of energy, including hybrid and fuel-cell vehicles and vehicles using new clean, diesel technology. While the Bush administration has long embraced tax cuts to spur the use of such technologies, it has been hampered by the persistent belief by many Americans that hybrid vehicles in general, and the Toyota Prius in particular, are so-called 'gay cars.'
Just how widespread are such beliefs? The Prius was recently identified by listeners to the popular NPR show "Car Talk" as "the ultimate gay and lesbian car." Asked to choose between a Prius and a 2006 military-style, Duramax turbo-diesel V-8 Hummer H1, members of the popular conservative Web site Free Republic, the so-called "freepers" were quick to throw their weight behind the Hummer, dismissing the 
hybrid cuties as "vegan weenie" cars.
Some culture watchers have said that the link between the Prius and the homosexual energy agenda likely has to do with the vehicle's name and its unfortunate resemblance to the moniker of the Roman god Priapus, the patron of gardens, viniculture, sailors and fishermen best known for his enormous phallus.
Power of prayer
Mr. Bush's proposals were immediately cheered by members of his conservative religious base. "This is an unbelievably important issue," explains Sandy Slokum, executive director of Defend Our Marriages, an Arlington, VA, advocacy group that seeks a constitutional amendment that would ban adultery. "We have to reach out to all of our members and explain to them that the high-price of gas at the pump isn't their fault but someone else's."
Deanna Swift can be reached at [email protected]
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