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It’s back-to-school season again which means its time to put on your belly shirt, pack up your Veggie Tale’s backpack and head into the classroom. But a well-rounded youngster needs to about more than just Intelligent Design. In this edition of the "Swift Report for Kids" we'll learn about foreign policy. What are foreigners and why do they need policies? Should the United Nations be sent into ‘time out’ as punishment for the oil for food scandal? Is being forced to share your toys with kids from other countries tantamount to a ‘taking’? Take the quiz and see how smart you are. But hurry—you don’t want to be left behind!

Foreign Policy and You Primer

FOREIGNERS : POLICIES ::
ABC : Supernanny

Lindsey Lohan : breast augmentation

Sponge Bob Square Pants : Rev. James Dobson

disobedient children : spanking

tweens : virginity
'Pre-emptive' can best be defined as:
The right thing to do, even if no one agrees.

The wrong thing to do, but for the right reasons.

Something you wish you had done.

Something you will probably do again next time.
If someone does something you don't like, the best thing to do is:
Stop speaking to him or her.

Send someone to beat him or her up.

Tell other people that the person is gay.

Go crying to the person's mother.

Involve a lot of other people and let them decide how you should respond.
"Evil" is an accurate description of which of the following?
A know-it-all

Someone from France

A gay person

Someone who is not home-schooled

Most people who live in other countries
Why is the following statement incorrect? "All kids should have 1 toy before some kids have all the toys they want"

My dad says that is socialism.

It is unfair to kids who can have all of the toys they want.

Giving my toys to some poor kid is tantamount to a 'taking'.

The price of toys has dropped now that most are made by poor kids in third world sweatshops.

Life begins at conception.
If the UN were a club, why would you not want to join?
I don't like people from other countries.

The Oil for Food Scandal makes me mad.

I am the boss of me.

The dues are too high.

My mom says I can't join a club that promotes sex with animals.
If someone is keeping a secret from you, the best way to get him to 'spill the beans' is to:
Make him wear your sister's underwear.

Hold his head under water.

Give him an Indian burn.

Make him stay awake until he blabs.

Pretend that your dog is going to eat him.
People who come to the US from other countries should:
Be sent home.

Work as a gardener or maid at my house.

Drive a taxi cab.

Learn to speak English.

Not get to play with my toys.
Who should the US turn to for help with the Syrian crisis?
Our European friends.

Our British friends.

Our Israeli friends.

We have no friends.
FATWA : OSAMA BIN LADEN ::
papal decree : The gays

career : Kirstie Alley

Social Security : President Bush

dioxin : Yushchenko

magic : Harry Potter

5 Comments

Teach The P E Controversy Too!

So, like kids can read the Bible, I mean “ID” wink, wink and see that like Lazarus, they don’ t really need to exercise, or eat right, ‘cuz like they can sit and watch TV and get raised from the dead like Lazarus! Too many PE teachers refuse to “teach the controversy” and focus only on hygiene, and not enough on The Word. If He can take care of all the sparrows, He can take care of fat kids too!

Hallelujah!

The Rev

Posted by: Rev Joe Bob | September 06, 2005 at 12:37 PM