Justice Sunday Marred by Appearance of Satan

A telecast organized by conservative Christians to warn the public about activist judges attracted an unwelcome guest: Satan. The appearance by the Dark One left some audience members wondering if he is a supporter of Supreme Court Nominee John G. Roberts, or if the many mentions of sodomy perhaps lured him to the scene.

Some question: did nominee Roberts work pro bono for Beelzebub?

By Deanna Swift

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NASHVILLE, TN—It was supposed to be a high-profile appeal to the highest judge in the land: Him, the best-known opponent of activist judges and their blatant disregard for the will of the American people. Instead, Justice Sunday II attracted a figure from the other side of the good vs. evil divide: the Devil.

The unscheduled appearance by the Dark One left at least some audience members wondering if he had come to the Two River’s Baptist Church in Nashville to show his support for Supreme Court nominee John G. Roberts.

Who invited the Dark One?
The Devil, the chief spirit of evil and God’s main adversary, appeared early on in the evening’s program, just minutes after telecast organizer and Family Research Council president Tony Perkins, kicked off the event, sounding the initial alarm against activist judges. Event organizers note that the Devil, also known as Satan, was specifically not invited to Justice Sunday II, the subtitle of which was “God Save the United States and this Honorable Court.”

But show up he did, making his dark presence known with a dramatic silence that dragged on for nearly two minutes, causing some audience members to shift nervously in their seats.

A sudden silence and the Devil appears
“I kind of figured it was the Devil because all of a sudden the whole place went totally quiet,” says Constance Ditty, who traveled to Nashville from her home in Dover, PA, to attend the event. “And his eyes were flashing in a devilish way. That gave it away too,” says Ditty.

The Devil’s surprise appearance set off anything but panic, however. While the audience members may have experienced initial jitters at the sight of the master of Hell, that fear quickly paled in comparison with the evening’s real enemy: activist judges. A recent poll reveals that most Americans fear activist judges more than any other single threat, including toxic mold, illegal aliens, alien abduction or North Korea.

Pro bono for Beelzebub?
The Devil didn’t remain on stage for long; Justice Sunday organizers speculate that the life-sized Ten Commandments tablets that provided the set probably made him uncomfortable. And after he and his dark entourage swept away, organizers and audience members were left to speculate on precisely what drew the Dark One to the Nashville mega-church.

One possibility: Supreme Court nominee Judge John G. Roberts, known for supporting a number of dark causes in his lawyering days, may have done pro bono work for Beelzebub.

A shared interest in sodomy
Sources close to the Devil say that his appearance at the event was prompted by a much simpler reason: the prominent place of sodomy on the evening’s agenda. “It’s rare for him to find a group of people that are as fixated on sodomy as he is,” says a Satan spokesperson. “His hope was that with all of the talk about sodomy maybe a few people in the audience would say ‘what the heck? Why don’t I give it a try?’”

Which do you fear more, the Devil or activist judges? Talk back to Deanna Swift [email protected]

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Comments

[justin]

mancow is christian right! WONDER WHAT HE THINKS of gay marrage

[Antares]

Heeeeeeey, I thought Senator Frist wasn't invited to Justice Sunday II ("Jesus Strikes back!" or.. perhaps the "Wrath of Moses?")

[David Allen]

Is this for real? Or satire? In any case, I wouldn't put anything ANYTHING! past those bunch of right wing hypocrfites running our countgry.

[jason]

Deanna, will you marry me? That is unless you are not already married, obviously.

[B L Zebub]

Sodomy? I alway thought "Dick Cheney" sounded suspicious...

[Edward]

Hey, Sodomy is the BEST! And I take offense to the obvious DeLay reference, if DeLay was getting any sodomy, he'd be a much happier person and the world would simply be a better place. NO true sodomite could, in good conscience, ever assume that DeLay was having his inner sodomy needs taken care of. That seems obvious. He's too much of a cranky, hateful bastard to be having that much fun