Iraqi Truth Tour Finds Exquisite Sunsets, Plenty of 'Truth'

Fed up with the constant America bashing from the shamelessly liberal media and left-wing politicians, a group of fearless conservative media personalities—including the Swift Report’s own Deanna Swift—has traveled to Iraq to spend the week inside Baghdad’s exclusive Green Zone. In her latest report, Deanna dishes about life in the desert and discovers that covering a war isn’t too taxing—when your side has already won.

Our intrepid correspondent cools off in the shade and enjoys a Fallujah Fizz (recipe included!)

By Deanna Swift

CAMP VICTORY—Dear readers: so much to report! It seems like only yesterday that yours truly joined a band of fearless truth seekers for the adventure of a life time: a trip to Iraq in search of the good news that the so-called mainstream media goes to such lengths to avoid.

It’s over—and we won
And boy have we found plenty of it here inside Baghdad’s exclusive Green Zone! While you all back at home are being fed nothing but negativity, we arrived here earlier this week to discover that the war is already over, and guess what? We won! My handsome colleague Buzz Patterson said it best: “The war is being won, if not already won, I think.” 

Don’t go looking for trouble
So while our pinko ‘colleagues’ spend their days practically looking for bad news to send home, we’ve been able to live it up and celebrate our victory in style: with a tall Fallujah Fizz (I’ve included a recipe so that you can try this one at home!) and an old-fashioned Green Zone pool party. But enough about what we’ve been up to, you want to know how I’m doing. Thanks to all of my readers and their great questions—keep ‘em coming!

Dear Deanna:
What is life like outside of the Green Zone? Have you met up with any of those America-hating journalists?

Signed, Fannity

Dear Fannity:
Luckily there is so much good news to report right here that we haven’t needed to leave the Green Zone at all. But seriously, thanks for asking. And if any of those so-called journalists you refer to would get up off of their hotel bar stools and come in here, maybe they’d be a little more positive! 

Dear Deanna:
I see from the weather forecast that it’s hot and dry over there. How are you keeping your hair styled and your skin moist and supple?

Signed, GitmoGrrl

Dear GitmoGrrl:
Thanks so much for your excellent question! You’re right: it’s hotter here than the hairdryer I packed for the trip. And with zero humidity, forget about holding a curl. Luckily, in between good news gathering, the other girls and I have had plenty of time to exchange beauty tips. One tip learned the hard way: stilettos and sand don’t match!

Dear Deanna:
What have you most enjoyed about your trip to Baghdad?

Signed, Repealthe22nd

Dear Repeal: Well, there was that moonlight skinny dipping session with Buzz (I won’t tell if you won’t!), but you’re probably looking for something that will make it past the pro-family filter. Tops on my list would be hanging out with the gang—everyone is so positive—enjoying the beautiful sunsets and sipping a Fallujah Fizz, a fantastically refreshing combo of gin, egg white, lime and cream. Try one yourself!

Xoxo
Deanna

Next up: Day-tripping Deanna visits Fallujah

Have questions about life in the Green Zone? Send them to [email protected] 

Comments

[ABD]

.Having read your reports and seen your website I am under the impression you are connected financially to the conservative christian movement in the country which is threatening to undo years of advances in the country- much like what the Ayatolla did in Iran in the 70's. You seem to let your religion dictate how everyone in this country is supposed to live. Thankfully I am fully convinced this dark period in America ( it does go in cycles) will not last long and your movement will be remembered as a group who had 8 years of glory while a maniacal president turned back years of reform, created a war and drove the financial stability of this country into turmoil. You may think whatever you want and write whatever you want- but you cannot turn back 50 years of civil reform in this country permanently. You can chip away at it- but like it or not, the very things that your "compassionate conservative party" fight to uphold- the death penalty, guns ownership, corporate greed, erosion of individual rights, anti-enviornement, pro-war, pro-tobacco- are the very things that you will be remembered for as a whole. Time will not treat you kindly.

[Daniel Beardsley]

1. Will you be traveling outside the green zone with or without your bullet proof vest?
2. Will the Truth tour Journalists be traveling outside the green zone with or without guards, guns and armored vehicles?
3. How may trips will you take to the local pub at night?

[McGuffin2001]

It's a satire, you dipshits.

"Lies like truth" as they say.

[Ben]

Satire is funny

[Ben]

Deanna, How many people died today in this war that you say has already been won? Ben.

[Ben]

The truth: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8597017/

[Ben]

This sounds like a lot of bullshit to me but I am still willing to read your "reports" for a good laugh.

[Josh Narins]

Thank you sooooo much D, for struggling against the pervasive liberal bias.

After you come home, we can hope you put your inestimable talents to overriding all the bad press about America itself! We don't need any more stories about corrupt politicians (especially now!), crooked corporations, murder, rape, theft.

Things in America are about as perfect as anyone can imagine, with the exception of liberals, Democrats, universities, newspapers, the coast states, big cities, immigrants, non-Christians and non-evangelical Christians.

If only Americans could get that message through Bush's filter, it would make all the difference in the world!

[herby2]

Deanna,
I sent this question to [email protected], but I figured I'd re-post it here:

Those "other people" keep saying that regular electricity service and clean water are "iffy" at best for many areas of Iraq. You seem to have avoided that supposed problem, judging from the recipe for your cooling "Fallujah Fizz". If there really is some little truth in the "reports" of shortages, did you have to trade something of value for the ingredients of your [let me rename it here] "Fallujah Freedom Fizz"?

"Helping to undermine the insidious liberal agenda"

[Vanitas]

Thank you, D!
I mean, how many times do we have to be told that the war's been won before the MSM finally gets around to accepting it, and moving on to covering real news stories, like the one that I heard about last night, "What Would Jesus Weigh?: Inside the Christian Diet."