Shunning Gay President, Fewer Families Visiting Mt. Rushmore

Long a popular vacation destination during the summer's busy driving season, Mt.  Rushmore has seen a dramatic drop in attendance this year. The reason: few families want to visit the craggy mountain homage to, among others, Abraham Lincoln, the nation's first gay president.

Dropoff likely to spur move to replace Lincoln with Reagan

By Cole Walters

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KEYSTONE, SD--The Hamer family of Cahokia, IL--father Earle, mother Joyce, 19-year-old Brandon and 9-year-old Holly--have been looking forward to their family vacation all year. Every summer, the family gasses up its 2003 Ford Taurus and heads to a destination that all four have chosen. And while debate in past years has been hot and heavy--last year Brandon wanted to go to Disney World, while Holly wanted to go to the Holy Land Experience, this year threatened no such division: South Dakota's Mt. Rushmore beckoned to the family like a beacon.

But then Earle Hamer, a former electrical contractor who now homeschools his college freshman son full time, read a disturbing account in a local newspaper. Abe Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, was gay.

Back to the drawing board
"Obviously that changed our plans," says Hamer, referring to a new history of President Lincoln’s life released last year, The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln by C.A. Tripp. "It’s a shame to have to miss it because we were really looking forward to seeing George Washington."

The trip to Mount Rushmore off for good, the family is now considering other travel options that will allow it to see the country without encountering signs of a degraded and debased culture.

No rush to 'mount'
The Hamers aren’t the only family to eschew the historic national memorial site this summer. In a recent poll conducted by Fox News, Americans identified 6 locations that they hoped to visit during this year's summer vacation: Hawaii, Europe, Italy (singled out from other European locations), Alaska, Florida and the Caribbean.  Note: the poll was taken in May, before the Fox News Channel began around-the-clock coverage of the disappearance of Natalie Holloway, causing a near collapse of the Caribbean tourism industry.

None of the 1,028 adults surveyed in the Fox poll identified Mt. Rushmore as a vacation destination, most likely a reflection of the brewing controversy over President Lincoln's sexuality combined with earlier reports that Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States, may have engaged in adultery.

Good news for the Gipper?
While the dramatic fall off in family trips to Mount Rushmore represents bad news for the Black Hills commemorative site, it may boost the fortunes of another former US President: Ronald Reagan. Republican lawmakers have been engaged in a fierce campaign to have the nation's first gay President sandblasted off of the South Dakota landmark and replaced with the smiling visage of President Reagan.

Giving Rushmore a makeover
Proponents of the plan to replace Lincoln with Reagan say that the structural renovation of the famous sculpture will prove far less costly—and time consuming—than adding an entirely new face into the Black Hills monument. They also point out that because Lincoln currently occupies a relatively isolated spot on the hillside, the craniofacial reconstruction process will not endanger any of the existing presidential busts. The Park Service, which maintains the monument, has long opposed the addition of new presidents onto Rushmore, arguing that the rock that surrounds the sculpted faces is not suitable for further carving.

Next summer: a new head?
While no date has been set for the mountain makeover, boosters of the blasting say that they're ready to go—and that as soon as next summer Mount Rushmore could be ready to welcome back traditionalist families and tourists eager to visit a monument that reflects their values.

"If we have to wait until next summer to see Rushmore, so be it," says Earle Hamer. "I just don't want my kids to have to be exposed to a way of life that goes against our morals and standards."

What other popular destinations should traditionalist travelers avoid this summer? Talk back to Cole Walters.

Comments

[t]

this is such bs you people who wrote this need a life, who cares.. like Regan bush 1 or 2 or Carter or Ford or Nixon were any better for the nation politicians are jsut liars who can not make it in the real world, or are they lawyers (except george w - duh bull & lie to u)and jimmy peanut

[Willelei Malone]

Thank you for this article. It made me laugh, and then handed me a revelation. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly laugh any harder, I read the posted comments and my jaw dropped. I've concluded that either no one understands satire, or (and this is the optimistic humanist in me) that you all do and are just putting the rest of us on by riffing off the joke's author. It almost doesn't matter, because it works as humor either way, right? It's a brand of interactive comedy that is derived from the same phenomenon that has made the Colbert Report so popular even amongst the very people it straight facedly lampoons. But, on the flip side it is this very phenomenon that makes unqualified internet journalism, as well as "trusted" mainstream media outlets such as Fox News the dangerous weapons of opinion shaping propaganda that they are. The phenomenon, as I see it, seems to be that if something, no matter how ridiculous or unsubstantiated, is spoken or written as factual in an ostensibly ernest forum and in an authoritative manner, it will be taken at face value, and the public debate can be reframed to the next (il)logical argument that rests upon that faulty premise. And so on. In this case the argument among the posters who didn't "get it", or let's be fair, humorously pretended to not "get it", has been shifted by this author to whether or not it is right that Abraham Lincoln, who was gay, is going to be sandblasted, in effigy, off the face of Mount Rushmore, while wordlessly leapfrogging the debate of some predicating arguments which are pretty monumental in their own right, such as

a) Was Abe really gay?, and
b) If Abe was gay, could negative public sentiment surrounding his sexuality ever become a sufficient impetus to legislate the mutilation of a beloved national monument.

So, author's intent notwithstanding, the only difference between deadpan political satire and misleading political propaganda is whether or not anyone laughs. That's pretty funny. Or is it?

[David B]

First of all, Lincoln was not gay. Men shared a bed together and also were not ashamed to admit feelings of male bonding in the nineteenth century; sex was the last thing on their minds!

Lincoln was absolutely one of our great presidents; he kept the Union intact in spite of the tremendous forces tearing this nation apart in 1861.

Reagan, thanks especially to dismissing the FCC fairness doctrine, succeeded in greatly dividing this country.

[Fatty Boom Sticks]

In todays contemporary society, i would be appalled if Mt. Rushmore was changed, considering millions of gay people exist today. What difference does it make if he was a homosexual anyway? It's like discriminating against women or black people. Whatever happened to equality in our society? Maybe that was just a myth.

[Ronald McDonald]

I think, leave the thing the way it is. Who cares what his sexual orientation was as long as he did a good job running the fucking country?? It's not a crime to be gay and people shouldn't act like it is. He was a good president, so leave the fucking thing alone. Don't tarnish the world by replacing Mt. Rushmore with Bush! That's just ridiculous

[Lynn Schibeci]

bloody hell, I just tried to post and it didn't work, so I'll try again. sorry if this looks like a repeat. where was I? yeah, we need a woman pres fast, who can get carved up there on Mt R, and restore the moral stature of these guys.

unbelievable site! (I've just discovered it)

[Partially Righteous]

Before changing faces, may we first remove the giant redwood from our own eye.

["Blind Orange" Julius]

....and George Washington slept around. There are signs all over New England that say "Washington Slept Here."

Yep, tear it all down and start over. Let's start with Reagan and the two Bushes.

[Bernie Keating]

RE: "...first gay President sandblasted off of the South Dakota landmark"

Inside sources have told me that the sandblasting is in fact going to be the most extensive presidential eye tuck in the history of these United States.

Bernie

[Tom McMahan]

You know, come to think of it, Teddy Roosevelt was often seen in the company of really buff looking guys doing all sorts of really "masculine" things like working out, hunting...do you think he might have been trying to over-compensate?