ACLU Defends XXX Cheerleading

The American Civil Liberties Union recently opened a new front in its war on traditionalism, announcing that it plans to defend the right of Texas cheerleaders to perform xxx-rated cheerleading moves. The cheerleaders say that the dirty dances and suggestive postures are a key component of the so-called 'right to free speech,' and that they may not be able to get crowds worked up without them.

The Midland High School Crusaders weigh in on the difference between a
'back lunge' and a 'low v.'

By Cole Walters, education correspondent

AUSTIN, TX—The American Civil Liberties Union, the controversial organization that seeks to strip all references to God from American life, has extended its war on Judeo-Christian values. The group that commentator Bill O'Reilly once called "fascist" is now defending the right of cheerleaders in Texas to perform x-rated cheerleading moves, including the 'back lunge,' the 'easy position' and the 'low v.'

 

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This spring, the Texas House of Representatives passed a law banning the suggestive moves. The bill must pass another House vote before it moves to the State Senate, which has traditionally viewed xxx-rated cheerleading more favorably than the lower house.

Ready—let's go
Defenders of the cheerleaders say that laws already on the books in Texas prohibit public lewdness and indecent exposure. But backers of the bill note that until recently high school cheerleaders in the Longhorn State have been given free reign, since they are generally much better looking than their more bookish counterparts.

Then came the scandal that rocked this state, in which members of the cheerleading Crusaders of Midland High School created a nude human pyramid during the half-time performance of a game against their archrivals: the North Hill High School Rebels.

Now, after several lengthy investigations into the incident, the cheerleaders say that they're ready for closure—and that all TX cheerleaders shouldn't be made to suffer for the actions of a few bad apples. What's more, they say that without the dirty dances and suggestive moves targeted by the pending law, they may not be able to fulfill their core mission: getting the crowd worked up. Here's a look:

Banned move #1: The Ready Position
The building block of all cheerleading formations, this one starts with feet shoulder width apart and a relaxed posture. Explains Midland cheerleader Kerri Pacheco: "Wrists shouldn't be cocked but in a straight line with your arms. Keep your thumbs on the outside of your fists, pinky fingers in back. Don't forget to show your swirlies!"

Banned move #2: The Easy Position
The key to this essential cheerleading move is to keep the shoulders relaxed, not up around your ears, explains Tiffany Dobbs, noting that she typically practices her moves in front of a mirror the night before a big game. "It may feel like you're doing it the right way, but only the mirror can show you for sure."

Banned move #3: The Back Lunge
Practice makes perfect! Ashley Johnson says that to get this forward bending motion just right, she does it at home with the aid of a chair. "Bend your knees, press down and jump off the floor spreading your legs as wide as possible. You can also do this with a partner instead of the chair."

Banned move #4: The Low V
A close relative of the High V in which arms are held at a 45 degree angle to the body, the Low V is a favorite of cheerleaders who favor complex rhyme schemes over uni-syllabic cheers. Nikki Hostettler says that the key to doing this move well lies in 'arm control.' "Don't swing your arms around, but start with them straight out in front, pull them back into your chest and 'hit.'"

Banned move # 5: The Scorpion
Top-rated cheerleading squads rely on a full arsenal of moves, including advanced acrobatic maneuvers guaranteed to get the crowd fired up on game night. The scorpion is part of a group stunt, intended to demonstrate fitness, athletic ability and school spirit, and ranks in difficulty with such moves as the chin-chin and the bow n' arrow. Explains Megan Bresnahan: "You need to stay tight and pull your liberty. Squeeze all of your muscles and suck in, making sure that you don't lean on one hip."

Banned move #6: The Touchdown
The highpoint of any cheerleader's night, this is also one of the hardest moves to pull off. The key to this stance, says Jessica Durand, is the timing. "Get into position as soon as your team scores. Now hold it, hold it, hold it. Don't forget to keep your legs straight, and most important of all: a big smile."

Should cheerleaders be allowed to perform xxx-rated stunts, even during the war on terror? Talk back to [email protected]

Comments

[JollyFE]

GOD BLESS THE USA & young sexy cheerleaders!! I think its time that we lower the age of concent too! :o)~

[tescht]

I must say, after reading this this article, I'm sitting here in slack jawed disbelief.
First of all, these girls are high school students (minors) right? Where is the responsible "adult" supervision, the school board and the parents?
Being this is happening in Fort Worth Texas,I find it difficult to believe that none of these "young ladies" attend a church.

So now we blame the ACLU for the failure of the community (parental and institutional) to instill in their children guidelines for what is deemed an "appropriate" way to behave in public.

I repeat, THESE GIRLS ARE MINORS, Why arn't the adults of the community in charge?

[Eric]

Re: the results of your poll on banning Evolution from Movies.
In view of these results, do you think 29% of your readers are missing the main joke?

[Crimson Bob]

A gracious halloo to The Swift Report from Fair Harvard!

Many of us Cantabridgians are fans of your report. Just this morning we were discussing your latest story whilst sharing a pipe in the back of Leavitt & Peirce, Tobacconists on Mass. Ave.

With humility and respect, let us offer some corrections.

1. Oklahoma is the Panhandle State. Texas is the Lone Star State. We know because Vernon IV (Scooter to his friends) took a Geography course last semester.

2. As you may have read, the Northeast has characteristic accents, and characteristic names for many things -- frappes for milk shakes, tonic for soda pop, etc.

As for traditional cheerleading moves, most of them are the product of research done at by kinesthesiologists at Schrod State College in Manchester, N.H., earlier this century.

Cheerleading itself is, like candlepin bowling, a local invention that makes many of us in these parts swell with pride. 'Down Easters' like us still cling to the original names for cheerleading moves, names that reference the sport's rich heritage.

I am pleased to share these names with you:

1. The 'Ready Position' is called 'The Bait'
2. The 'Easy Position' is called 'The Chinchilla'
3. The 'Back Lunge' is called 'The Brown-Eyed Girl'
4. The 'High V' and 'Low V' are called "Cleveland' and 'Pancake', respectively
5. The 'Scorpion' is called 'Bubble and Squeak'
6. Finally, the Touchdown is called 'the Portsmouth Pucker'.

Please let us know if you have additional questions or if we can be helpful in any way.

I'm off now. I have to go change into a fresh pair of chinos.

Sincerely yours,
Crimson Bob