News that the 'Rapture' Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians

What if the 'Rapture' happened but you were left behind? That's what millions of Christians are wondering amid mounting evidence that the Rapture, the much-anticipated event in which God summons his faithful to the heavens, may have happened earlier this month. Among the startled 'still here': House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, just one of the political leaders who had expected to be making the trek skyward.

From Capitol Hill to Kansas, finger pointing and questioning: 'why are we still here?'

By Deanna Swift

Editor's note: After receiving hundreds of e-mails questioning the veracity of this article, the Swift Report conducted an internal investigation and later retracted the story. The official retraction can be read here.

WASHINGTON, DC--When House Majority Leader Tom DeLay delivered a moving speech from the halls of Congress last week, in which he argued that his political enemies are persecuting him because of his religious faith, there was just one problem: he wasn't supposed to be there. Earlier this month, say observers, the 'Rapture,' the much-anticipated event in which God summons his faithful to the heavens, finally happened.

But instead of Mr. DeLay and millions of other believers making the skyward trek, the biblical bash appears to have been an exclusive, invitation-only affair. As of today, fewer than three dozen Christians are confirmed to have been 'raptured,' leaving their rejected brethren to deal with seven years of Tribulation, a turbulent period marked by the return of the anti-Christ.

For those who had hoped to be cashing in on their heavenly rewards, these are days of soul searching and regret. From Capitol Hill to the mega-churches of the south, disappointed travelers are asking the same questions: 'Why not me?' 'What did I do wrong?' and 'Was it something I said?'

The lucky few
David Dumé, originally of Spring Hill, KS, appears to be among the lucky few who are currently enjoying the company of the world's most famous father. Mr. Dumé, who had recently returned to Kansas from Hollywood, where he enjoyed a short but lucrative career in adult-themed films, was expected to attend a potluck supper and informal prayer session at the Spring Hill Baptist Church—but disappeared from site just minutes after reaching the building.

Stunned onlookers say that they watched aghast as Mr. Dumé "flew up through the ceiling," leaving a pile of clothing, gold jewelry, an outsized diamond-covered crucifix, and several piercings and chains behind. Experts say that the fact that Mr. Dumé and others cast off such earthly accoutrements is another sure sign that they were indeed raptured.

And the not-so-lucky
The pastor of the church, Roy DeLong, who is also an active supporter of conservative political causes including a constitutional ban on gay marriage and private Social Security accounts, says that he is personally shocked that Mr. Dumé was chosen to make the trip, while he and so many other more faithful believers remain behind. "He was not even a regular presence around here, that's what's so startling. I don't want to say that mistakes were made, but you really have to wonder about the selection process here," says Pastor DeLong.

DeLong, who also heads up the Baptist Leadership Council, will join other prominent Christian leaders, including the Reverends Tim Lahaye, James Dobson and Franklin Graham, for an emergency meeting later this week. "At this point, we're concluding that this was probably a practice round before the real deal," says Pastor DeLong. "That's the only way this makes any sense. He left behind all of the wrong people. Why would He do that?"

The right—left behind
Meanwhile, no one appears to have made the trip upwards from Capitol Hill. Beltway observers had speculated that dozens of high-profile leaders, including President Bush and Representative DeLay, would be raptured, possibly setting off a complex battle over succession within the halls of power.

So certain were these men that their earthly tenure was coming to an end, say sources, that they scheduled a lengthy break over the Easter weekend. While Stewart Roy, a spokesman for Mr. DeLay, refused to acknowledge that the House Majority Leader has indeed been left behind, he did confirm that the Texas representative is taking some much-needed time off. "Let's just say that there are some unexpected openings in his schedule. I'm not going to say anything more than that."

Deanna Swift can be reached at [email protected]

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Comments

[Reddittor]

I love that you wrote this. I'm just sorry I didn't see it until 2009.

I just submitted this to Reddit.

[Michael]

The sunday school teacher says that the rapture has already come and that we are in heaven (God's church). If that's the case why I'm i catching so much hell?

[Alan Hill]

First of all there are a lot of people that need to grow up in our society. We need to quit saying hateful and ridiculous things about other peoples religions and opinions and maybe LISTEN! We might actually learn something. I mean im 18 and I dont everything but ive learned alot by just listening to other peoples ideas. Personally about the whole rapture thing. The bible says that anyone that calls upon the lords name and asks to for him to be their personal lord and savior will be saved. The bible also says that during the rapture THE DEAD IN CRHRIST WILL RISE FIRST. Then we who are alive in christ will be caught up to meet jesus and them in the air. So if theres no empty graves or tons of saved people gone then the rapture hasnt occured yet. Finally, even after the rapture those that get left behind arent lost yet. They can still be saved. In fact many people will get saved right after the rapture because they will realize what just happened and repent. I can assure you though that the rapture hasnt happened yet and i can only hope that if anyone reads this that isnt saved, they will learn the love of the lord and get saved so that they will be in the rapture, which could happen at anytime, GOD BLESS!

[Ancient]

truthfully if this Rapture has already happened have any christians ever read Revelations 20:4 ? you need to cause this is what is suppose to happen . and when it does dont cry just bow down to your new master after your jesus shows his true self . lol

[Henri]

Oh dear.
Get a life and stop thinking about an afterlife.
I have never heard anything so ridiculous as this.
Kindly wake up and start living in the 21st century.
Dark ages have been over for ages.
"Rapture" yeah right. And Santa Claus and Easter Bunny are for real too?

[travis]

yeah. so i'm not going to take the time to read all these previous posts.
I'm just gonna say "THAT'S RETARDED".
fucking christians.

[A Changed Man]

All I have to say is, in my belief, there is christianity, catholics, musslims, literally hundreds of different religions, however not ONE person I have noticed makes a mention to any of these other religions. The fact of the matter is, Christianity may be the most famous religion in the world to date, however it's not the best, nor the worst. It's a simple form of belief. If the christians that read this say I will go to hell for saying that, they are truly the ones that will burn for eternity, because it's not HOW you worship, or when and where, it's just as long as you have faith and believe....

[William Cassera]

NO MORE BUSH STUFF PLEASE GIVE IT UP you may find this article interesting ty for your help this morning JAY

[Julie]

Dear friends,
PLEASE study your Bibles!!!
2 Peter 3:10 says "But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up."

Does that sound quiet to you???
2 Thessalonians 5:2-4 promises true Christians that Christ's coming will not take them by surprise, they will be watching and waiting and will know when Jesus's coming is near.

Read 1 Thess. 4:16-18; Matt. 25:31; Rev. 1:7; 2 Thess. 1:7,8; Mal. 4:1,2

You owe it to yourself to study this topic out with much prayer and scripture to scripture comparison.

In the end times, many will be deceived by the "Rapture Theory" know what you believe and be able to prove it from the Bible. We must build our beliefs on many scriptures, not just one or two taken out of context. We cannot blindly take our pastor's word for it.

Jesus IS coming soon and we must be ready and waiting! Matt. 24:44; Isaiah 25:9

Sincerely,
jb

Please email me if you have questions! For further study check out www.bibleuniverse.com.

[Tari DeMario]

The Word Rapture is in the Bible and spelled this way three times in the HOLY TORAH CODE incoded like i said before the rapture is the elation of Happyness when you are filled with the new wine and then the LORD will come to give the Glorified Body to you and you will then assend up into the HEAVENLY like the MASTER DID so shall the BRIDE there is a BRIDE and then their are the Special GUESTS of the Wedding not all of the church is the BRIDE these where CHOSEN BY THE FATHER the GUESTS where only called!! understan
i am ALREADY THE MOTHER/wife to the FATHER and the Soon the BE QUEEN TO THE KING of KINGS i also will deside who is of the BRIDE me and the FATHER TALK about who will be allowed to BE the BRIDE and the GUESTS only two churches in revelations WON THE RACE my dears and they Do not have walls and BEG FOR FUNDS
and GET FAT ON POOR PEOPLE MONEY seed is not MONEY seed sowing is the WORD OF TRUTH THE HOLY BIBLE in TRUTH THE TORAH IN TRUTH ((((NOT MONEY I WILL STOP THIS SOON TO)))))))never bring the word seed sowing into many gain "i GARRENTEE ALL THOSE WHO HAVE DONE THIS >>>THATS ALL THAY WILL HAVE AS A REWARD ONLY >>SMILE YOUR ON CANDID CAMERA WITH THE HEAVENLY HOST<><><><><><><><><><><
((((\0/)))))
..../^\.....
....."......
GRANDMAH MOSES!!!!

[Jonito Breeto]

It's not just the USA. Here in the UK there have been a number of high profile disappearances early in March.

Now I dont know if this is the Rapture or not, after all I am still here and I can't think why Jesus would forget me, but it seems mighty strange. One of my churches parisheners was Jack Rotblum. He was the leader of the local Christian Socialist chapter. Both he and his wife were seen levitating away from their small garden three weeks ago.

I sure hope I ahven't been left behind as I have read all the Left Behind books and it doesn't sound like much fun even for someone outside of the USA the centre of Christianity.

[Ted]

This is garbage-out right garbage.

[mindy]

Yeah, uh, I'm not sure why it is that you feel the need to put this garbage out for the world to see, but I suppose that is your prerogative. Anyway, I have a few suggestions for you "Deanna". I know that it is probably difficult for you to sit alone on your spotty behind at your computer all day, but why not try a hobby? You know like crocheting or bowling. I would have suggested that you go out and get yourself a girlfriend, except that your rancid body odor and long finger nails render that a complete impossibility. So what does that leave us with, Donnie? I call you Donnie, because it is a name suited for a fat, smelly, gargoylish figure, such as yourself. Listen son, put away the binoculars that you use to ogle the pretty girls across the street and do something constructive. Hey, what about crash test dummy or how about you donate yourself to science or better yet, why not ship yourself to a starving third world type place and let them eat you. Man, now that is eatin' good in the neighborhood. I suspect that you could sustain a small African country for at least a month. Now, go ahead and pop that booger that you have been lusting after into your mouth and enjoy.

[george]

This is the most stupid article I have ever read in my entire life - hell, my first grade reader "Jack and Janet" made more sense.

[truthseeker]

Vow to love God with all your heart, mind & soul.Keep an open mind, loving heart. Don't listen to damnable herasies. Examine the wrong in your life and willingllly give it up.THere is one truth,one light, one way. Take all the rest out of your mind. As the battle will not be of flesh and blood but of the mind. Consider Him who suffered contradictions against himself lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Repent and eat unleavened bread,drink fermented wine so there is life in you as it states-this do in rememberance of me. and pray for the ability to do what He would have to do.God (Yahweh). Pray through Jesus Christ (Jeshua) to God. Study to show yourself approved. To Him one day is a thousand years. Today is the day for miracles to tell others that will help them see too. ask Him to mold you and shape you. Only the devil would hold you in your past. True liberty is found when you look,continue and do. Learn how to properly deal with one another today. If guilt is admitted and change of life is apparent they stay in His family. Don't let others live ignorant to what His will is-that all might be saved. From their sin not in their sin. Who knows, I was lifted by Him at passover just in my mind, flooded with peace and desired only to praise Him as I walked alone. Faith in Him and action by me took me there and lifted me up. You can be too. No other desire will remain in you when you know you've been graced with peace by God. Look, continue, do. His way.

[truthseeker]

Vow to love God with all your heart, mind & soul.Keep an open mind, loving heart. Don't listen to damnable herasies. Examine the wrong in your life and willingllly give it up.THere is one truth,one light, one way. Take all the rest out of your mind. As the battle will not be of flesh and blood but of the mind. Consider Him who suffered contradictions against himself lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Repent and eat unleavened bread,drink fermented wine so there is life in you as it states-this do in rememberance of me. and pray for the ability to do what He would have to do.God (Yahweh). Pray through Jesus Christ (Jeshua) to God. Study to show yourself approved. To Him one day is a thousand years. Today is the day for miracles to tell others that will help them see too. ask Him to mold you and shape you. Only the devil would hold you in your past. True liberty is found when you look,continue and do. Learn how to properly deal with one another today. If guilt is admitted and change of life is apparent they stay in His family. Don't let others live ignorant to what His will is-that all might be saved. From their sin not in their sin. Who knows, I was lifted by Him at passover just in my mind, flooded with peace and desired only to praise Him as I walked alone. Faith in Him and action by me took me there and lifted me up. You can be too. No other desire will remain in you when you know you've been graced with peace by God. Look, continue, do. His way.

[infalliblejezebel]

"fewer than three dozen Christians are confirmed to have been 'raptured,' "

Whaaaaa???? Daauummn! Wish they'd all been taken so they'd shut the fark up! I enjoy myth, fantasy, and legend as well as the next person, but I sure don't like it crammed down my throat. Especially when they try to do it through changing temporal laws supposedly designed to protect me from these dickwads(wadettes).

As Homer Simpson once said, "God Bless Those Pagans!" At least they don't try to 'force feed' convert me to their mythology as do the Xians, Muslims, etc.

[mookie]

All you need to do is, "...for God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, (named) Jesus, so that ALL who believe that He came, died and Rose from hell to Heaven (and take Him as the Saviour) would have everlasting life.....It doesn't matter whether the "Rature" happened or not. The Bible end time "escatology" prophesies are very scary...so scary, the Bible says, Man will die from the horror of all that would happen. These are the signs, wars, rumors of wars, earthquakes, disease and much more....but do not fear for ONLY God knows the day and hour. All you need to know is JESUS....rapture or not. KNOW JESUS or NO JESUS

in the blink of an eye, a Millisecond .....not floating away through a roof of a church.

[Geo]

Think logically. What science could explain the lofting of the individuals? Science, not bronze age misconceptions. Only electrogravity; it's the only theory that could account for such. And who has electrogravity? Some black budget labs have it, but not the kind that lifts people through a solid ceiling. Only aliens have that version. *Human governments can't be trusted with that, yet. Instead of a religious event, it appears to be simply a slightly more advanced technology. The God of all being wouldn't exclude anyone, any "good," non-violent, non-invasive kind of belief. All can evolve. So, a selective "rapture" is a low-order, implausible scenario. Sure, good people are preferred, but not at the expense of an entire planet or the deaths of millions. Those apocalyptic scenarios are all escapist, easy prey for the worst pigs who wouldn't mind killing the planet, as long as they can indulge themselves, and escape in the process. And how might they escape? Use a false believer, like Bush, to gain private hold on electrogravity technology, then encourage people to believe in fake rapture scenarios, then escape, if necessary. Don't be easy prey for colonizing extraterrestrials. Read Alien Agenda, by Jim Marrs, for starts. Belief is belief, but all mind in the universe is ALL... good surely triumphs over time, but there's a lot of science in it, not so much bronze age misconception. Rather than wait for a better order to just happen, WORK toward it now. Global rights, prosecution of environmental offenders and thieves in government, love for all kind (even redeemable offenders), the World Court--not an apocalypse. These are critical, fast-evolving times---a higher order of universal mind/mindedness is visiting us, helping us understand the universe. Don't fall for low-order, alien scams like an apocalypse, then the capture of all survivors to be used like slaves for an alien collective. Think! Science and love are the doorway, but you must step forward and evolve your awareness.

[Wendy]

Very cute. Of course, in all the different rapture scenarios mentioned in the comments so far, no one has talked about what Baha'is believe, which is that the rapture really HAS happened already, but it's not what people think. The rapture is what happens inside each one of us when we recognize that God has indeed sent another like Jesus who fulfilled the promises of the religions of the past and has come to unite our world into a loving and functioning society based on divine teachings that promote love and fellowship. Baha'u'llah (Glory of God, 1817-1892) is not what Christians are expecting, but He nevertheless fulfills around 1800 Bible prophecies, some of them quite literally. Bear in mind that Jesus was not what the Jews were expecting either. If He were, all the Jews would have instantly accepted Him. If you read Eph. 2, you'll find that the early Christians were "raised up" into "heavenly places" with Jesus. The language is very similar to the so-called "rapture passage" and yet no one would say the early Christians were literally lifted up into the sky. So think about it, and if you want more information, check out www.bahai.org. It couldn't hurt. :) Love, Wendy

[Aeon]

It always shocks me to see that supposedly fully functional adults still believe in such things. If we spent as much time being compassionate toward each other as we do trying to figure out how we get our free ride to Heaven, the world wouldn't be embraced with such chaos. It's all a simple matter of choice. Stop competing for your slot in heaven and devote your life to giving it up to someone else. It will make all the difference.

Great article, by the way. By the time I got to the end of it, I was smiling like a kid :-) It's the comments I found a little scary.

[PhantomScribbler]

This article is fascinating!

Especially when you consider that I attend Spring Hill Baptist Church in Spring Hill, KS. (406 E. Nichols St, Spring Hill, KS 66083)

No one at our church seemed to know of this incident before this article, especially our minister, whose name is NOT Roy DeLong. And it also appears I can’t locate any news articles covering such an event. Which would, as a matter of course, cause quite a to-do in a such a small community. So, my question is, who is your source? -- You have to wonder who makes this stuff up?

By the way, there is also no ‘secret meeting’ between LaHaye, Dobson, and Graham to discuss this secret rapture about which you speak. Firstly, not all God-loving, Jesus-accepting Christians even believe that the ‘rapture’ will happen 'before' the tribulation. This fairly recent, romanticised, concept of a pre-tribulation rapture wasn’t even thought of until the 1800’s with John Nelson Darby. Before then, Christians commonly agreed that the rapture would happen at Christ’s second coming, His triumphal return. And trust me, when that happens, whether you’re a believer or not, you WILL know He’s back. There won’t be any guessing OR secrecy.

But even for the people who do believe in a pre-trib rapture, the concept of the rapture as stated here doesn’t even match up with what the Bible says.

Anyone interested in the truth about what the Bible has to say can try: 1.) Checking out http://www.twopaths.com/faq_rapture.htm OR 2.) Doing their own in-depth study of the Bible and Church history.

May God be with you in truth and light,
Scrib

[Paul Smith]

I don't believe that God leaves any of us behind. I believe that we are each, everyone of us important.
Rev. Paul G. Smith

[ted bauer]

don't worry about such things.

put your faith in christ.

he will not forsake you.

-our true king will come when he is ready...not because bush and company invaded iraq for oil.

"love your enemies"...not just your 'friends'.

bush spouts the latter as if he were a holy man.

he is leading many astray with his false christian ethics.

pray for bush and his minions...for they are lost and need our prayers.

soon...jerusalem will become the center of our universe.

-know a zionist by his blood stained hands and his pockets full of greed.

"thou shall not kill"...is not a slogan.

[mark]

haha! Theyve ALL been left behind!

Why would GOD need to do a 'dry-run' for the Rapture?
He is a professional-no need for 'practice'

Looks like a LOT of people are 'whistling past the graveyard'!

ps; this news is actually from mid MARCH-NOT an April Fools joke