President Bush's big day is finally here. Our nation's capitol is redolent with pomp and circumstance, while the air is piquant with the subtle tang of tear gas. Unbelievably, not everyone is as swollen with pride as the Swift Report to witness "43: Part 2." In addition to patriotic parades and glamorous galas, Washington will also play host to more protestors today than at any inaugural since Nixon's second swearing in. Here’s a look at some of the protests that the Swift Report is keeping an eye on.
From anarchists to ZOT, everything you need to know
By Deanna Swift and Todd FoxTurn Your Back on Bush
Location: Anywhere along the parade route
Gimmick: Participants will be part of the throngs gathered along the parade route. When a black motorcade comes into view, backs will be turned. While Bush himself may not be in the vehicle, chances are someone objectionable is.
What to look for: Participants who look like they're part of the crowd. But do they share our values?
Lights Out on Bush
Location: Anywhere in America
Gimmick: Millions of Americans who voted to deny President Bush a second term will be signaling their discontent by turning off their lights at home and work, even driving without headlights.
What to look for: Assume that any darkened house, apartment, or car without lights belongs to a Bush opponent. Counter-protestors are being urged to run up huge electricity bills today.
Club Kids for Equality
Location: Stone's throw from Dupont Circle
Gimmick: Gay club-goers, pushing for FBI sensitivity training after being blamed for a spate of laser incidents involving aircraft, will be shouting "We're Here, We're Queer, Just Dance!"
What to look for: Green-laser pen lights flickering at the motorcade, or swirling on the chest of a particularly hot guy in the crowd. "Free Martha" buttons will be another dead giveaway.
Anarchist Resistance
Location: That's a pig question
Gimmick: Hard to say—members of this group march to their own beat and may pop up anytime, and anywhere. Best chance of a sighting: near Food Not Bombs table or any other free food distribution area.
What to look for: Cold-weather anarchist gear including black mufflers, effective at keeping out frigid temps and retaining an air of mystery.
The God Squad
Location: Renaissance Mayflower Hotel
Gimmick: These conservative Christians are angry with President Bush over his refusal to support Roy Moore, the embattled former chief justice of Alabama who lost his job when he declined to remove a 2.6 ton monument to the Ten Commandments from the Alabama Judicial Building. The festering sore of Bush's disregard deepened further this week with the announcement that the First Lady planned to skip a tea being given in her name, and featuring Moore as the guest speaker.
What to look for: The monument. Protestors plan to follow Bush's motorcade through the streets of Washington, towing the monument behind them.Not One Damn Dime
Location: Anywhere in America
Gimmick: Participants plan to register their displeasure with President Bush and the war in Iraq by refusing to spend "one damn dime" today. From necessities like lattes, to impulse buys, these protestors and their money will not be parted.
What to look for: A complete collapse of the retail economy—or some guy at Whole Foods, holding up the line while he explains why he's not buying anything.
Wash Out Bush
Location: At selected points along the inaugural parade route
Gimmick: Environmentalists, angry with President Bush's support for "big oil, dirty air and dirty water" will attempt to douse his motorcade with said water as he motors by.
What to look for: A shower of ice cubes, as the protestors' dirty water freezes in frigid temps.Free Republic Counter Protest
Location: "Safe-haven zones" near Pennsylvania Avenue
Gimmick: These self-proclaimed "Freepers," members of the D.C. Chapter of Free Republic, have secured permits to set up "safe-haven zones" along the parade route. Freepers who cluster in the zones will then attempt to differentiate themselves from the anti-American protestors.
What to look for: Freepers are a notoriously insular group. If they smell a troll, it won't be long before you hear "ZOT!"
Librarians Against Bush
Location: Library of Congress
Gimmick: These politically active librarians are concerned about the Bush administration's policies and their effects on civil liberties, privacy, and intellectual freedom. The protest will include a timed loosening of hair buns and a collective "shhhhhh-ing" of the President as the motorcade passes.
What to look for: Cat-eye glasses perched on long, thin noses, combined with a slightly musty, archival smell. Dress, more than likely, will be modest.
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