The Swift Report

Citing Religion, Pharmacist Refuses to Dispense Pharmaceuticals

A Georgia pharmacist has refused to dispense pharmaceuticals, maintaining that filling prescriptions for allergy medicine, antibiotics, and erectile dysfunction treatments violates his religion. The pharmacist says that while he is still willing to sell vitamins and topical skin creams, distributing pharmaceuticals constitutes a denial of God's role as a healer.

Pray for your soul and call me in the morning

By Hermione Slatkin, health correspondent

MARIETTA, GA—When Bud Fisher stopped by a suburban Atlanta pharmacy to fill a prescription for a troublesome case of athlete's foot, the pharmacist told him something he'd never heard before: no. "He told me I'd have to take my business elsewhere because for him to give me my foot cream would be a violation of his religious beliefs," says Mr. Fisher, who has since had his prescription for Naftin, the only Rx allylamine cream and gel, filled elsewhere.

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Just say no
It's a growing trend behind the counters of the nation's drugstores: licensed pharmacists who refuse to distribute pharmaceuticals for religious reasons. In recent months, pharmacists in Wisconsin, Illinois and Texas have all stood their ground and sent pill-seeking customers packing. At least one drugstore chain, Walgreens, now allows pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions.

Pharmacies latest 'drug-free zones'
But Marietta pharmacist James "Lou" Clements is the first known professional to refuse to distribute any medicines on the grounds that doing so would violate his deeply held personal beliefs. What's behind Mr. Clements' decision to stop meting out prescription pills, creams and syrups? He explains that his goal is to put a stop to practice of prescribing quickie medical fixes like antibiotics when prayer and fasting can be just as powerful.

Most diseases caused by sin
To make his case, Mr. Clements points to the Biblical figure of Asa, King of Judah, who was afflicted with a disease of the foot. "He only consulted physicians," notes Mr. Clements. "He had a bad case of foot disease, but he didn't seek help from God, and two years later he was dead." Reading about Asa's story and others, says the pharmacist, convinced him that modern medicine probably isn't the answer to the health woes of most Americans. "The physicians may have been able to treat the symptoms of Asa's problem but they couldn't get at the sin that was causing the disease."

Pharmacy students turning to Bible
While Mr. Clements' deeply held personal beliefs make him unique in his profession, a growing number of pharmacists in training say that they too plan to avoid prescribing pharmaceuticals for religious reasons. A number of colleges of pharmacy around the country now allow students to sit out classes on pharmaceutical education, letting them give topics like drug interaction, dosages and side effects a miss, if such topics violate their religious beliefs. Instead, the students study and prepare Biblical remedies, including a paste of mud and spit to cure blindness.

From filling 'scrips to filling time
For Mr. Clements, the biggest challenge these days is finding enough to do. While he still stands behind the pharmacy counter, clad in a crisp white jacket, he's no longer busy weighing, measuring, and mixing drugs and other medicinal compounds. Instead, he spends his days straightening displays of reading glasses and other non-prescription items, occasionally rifling through a magazine and talking to customers. "If you need vitamins or maybe an anti-wrinkle cream I can get it for you," he says. "As long as it's not prescription. That's where I draw the line."

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Man Sues After Being Implanted with Gay Stem Cells

A Kansas resident who underwent stem cell therapy for advanced male pattern baldness has since been diagnosed as gay. The man is now suing his doctors, alleging that they knew he did not want to be the recipient of gay stem cells.

Of the embryonic stem cells approved by President Bush, how many are gay?

By Hermione Slatkin

TOPEKA, KS—When Marybeth Witty stumbled upon her husband Dale watching a pornographic video on the internet, she knew something was wrong. Instead of looking at images of nude high school cheerleaders and young shaved lesbians as he often had in the past, the 37-year old auto parts salesman was taking in hot guy-on-guy action. "As soon as I saw what he was looking at I knew something was different," said Marybeth, a part-time manicurist who enjoys scrapbooking. "This was not the same Dale."

Finally: a cure for baldness
What precisely happened to her husband of eight years? Scientists say that the answer most likely lies in a controversial form of stem cell therapy that Mr. Witty underwent last year in an effort to finally cure the male pattern baldness that had tormented him for more than a decade. The changes in his behavior, says Marybeth, began soon after he—and his new head of hair—returned home. [Click thumbnail to view scientific diagram.]

...Experts estimate that as many as  10% of all stem cells   could be gay...

In a complex procedure that could soon become commonplace at hair clinics across the country, specialists took stem cells from the follicles of a donor, multiplied them in cultures, then implanted them into the scalp of Mr. Witty. Over the following months, the hair doctors coaxed Mr. Witty's new follicle stem cells to begin transmitting signals to his own shrunken, reluctant follicle cells. The result: a thick, healthy head of hair.

Diagnosis: gay
But while Mr. Witty got the lustrous locks of which he'd long dreamt, he may have also gotten something else from the lengthy and often painful procedure: gayness. After his wife found a personal ad that he had posted on gaychristians.com, seeking "pen pals and more," she convinced him to seek medical attention. The diagnosis: Mr. Witty is now gay.

Man says: "I won't take this lying down."
Within days of receiving the doctor's verdict, Mr. Witty had retained a lawyer and filed a lawsuit against specialists at Fetal Stem Cells, Inc., the center where he underwent the experimental hair treatment. According to court documents given to the Swift Report, Mr. Witty seeks to have the gay stem cells removed and replaced with straight cells at no cost, and is also demanding $99,000 for alleged pain and suffering.

While no one from FSC was willing to go on record about the pending lawsuit, a source close to the center say that this is not the first time that doctors there have been accused of implanting gay stem cells into straight recipients. "The problem is that you can't ask the stem cells if they are gay or straight," said the source. "You won't know until you've implanted them and they've had a chance to bloom." Experts estimate that as many as 10% of all stem cells could be gay.

Back on the straight and marrow
At home in Topeka, the Witty's say that they're anxious to resume the life they led before Mr. Witty was implanted with the gay stem cells. While they hope that a reversal of the procedure will cure him of his new taste for men, they say that they've got a back up plan prepared—just in case. Next month, Mr. Witty will travel to Orlando, Fla., to the headquarters of Exodus International, a world-renowned organization that helps individuals like Mr. Witty overcome their gayness.

Later this month, Mr. Witty will take his tale on the road, speaking to the 30th annual Exodus Freedom Conference in Asheville, NC, about the dangers of gay stem cells. "I didn't ask to be this way." said Witty, sporting a Caesar haircut. "I hope that the conference will allow me to hook up with other regular joes like me, who had this thrust upon them."

Hermione Slatkin can be reached at hermioneslatkin@yahoo.com

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White House Appointees May Have 'Crony's' Disease

From former FEMA-front man Michael Brown to would-be-chief of Immigration Julie Myers, the niece of Air Force Gen. Richard B. Myers, the headlines of late have been filled with reports of unqualified individuals filling high-level jobs within the Bush Administration. Now scientists say they may finally understand why. These high-level appointees and the administration officials that recommended them for their jobs probably suffer from 'Crony's' disease, a genetic mutation that causes cronyism, corruption and unbridled patronage.

Experts say gene therapy could hold the cure for embattled officials suffering from 'Crony's Disease'

By Hermione Slatkin, health and science correspondent

SAN DIEGO, CA—Michael Brown. Julie Myers. David Safavian. Norris Alderson. They are the icons for a politically connected generation, as inexperienced as they are overcompensated. But what could cause these individuals to lobby for and accept positions for which they have no training, to engage in questionable contracting practices and to lie to federal prosecutors? 

Now, a team of scientists believes that it may finally have unlocked the mystery of what causes seemingly good people to go bad--or at least to be promoted well beyond their paygrades. The answer, it seems, is in the genes.

A gene for graft
The scientists, working in coordination with the Human Genome Project, say that they've finally identified what seems to be the genetic mutation that causes everything from cronyism and corruption to unbridled patronage .

The go-to gene, say scientists, is one of the more than 30,000 that make up the human gene sequence. By comparison, the fruitfly and the mustard weed, both of which lack the unethical gene, weigh in at 13,000 and 25,000 genes respectively.   

All it takes is one bad gene
While all humans possess the gene responsible for governing ethical behavior, it is a relatively rare mutation that causes full-fledged fraud to develop. "We're talking about a tiny percentage of cases where the gene has deteriorated to the extent that the disease manifests itself," says Dr. David Orlofsky, lead genomics experts at the Center for Structural Genomics. "Unfortunately, the cases where you do have deleterious genes often lead to behaviors that saddle society with a huge burden. It's this relatively small number of people with the disease who are being appointed to positions for which they are completely unqualified."

Dr. Orlofsky and his team spent 3 years studying the gene before they identified the marker for what genetics experts are calling Crony's disease.

Predicting ethical lapses
In recent years, genomics, the study of how genomes orchestrate the flow of information within cells, has taken off, facilitated by bioinformatics, the use of computers to process the huge amount of data that genomics is generating. And along the way, scientists have identified thousands of genetic markers linked to mutated genes associated with a range of medical problems.

Scientists say that they can identify the presence of the mutated gene that causes Crony's disease through a single drop of blood. A sample taken from former FEMA chief Michael Brown, for example, will be placed on a special slide and read by a laser. Within minutes, doctors will be able to determine whether Mr. Brown's incompetence on the job may have had a genetic basis. "I would imagine that even thought this is still pretty experimental stuff, Mr. Brown will be relieved to get a diagnosis," says Dr. Orlofsky. "At that point he can truthfully say that his genes made him do it."

A cure for corruption
Mr. Brown and others who are diagnosed as having the genetic disorder also have a treatment option: experimental gene therapy in which healthy genes are inserted into the genome to replace the offending, disease-causing gene. Using a carrier molecule known as a vector, the non-corrupt gene will be delivered to the target cells of ailing officials. If the new genes 'take,' the cells are restored to their original, ethical state, before the gene began to mutate, causing cronyism, corruption and ethical violations.

Who cheats?
Scientists say that their next step will be to identify the conditions under which the gene that dictates ethical behavior begins to mutate and otherwise 'go bad.' They say that they may also press for widespread testing in order to predict who will go on to develop Crony's disease. Initial testing is likely to center on high-risk sectors of the population, including office-seekers and holders of both political parties, evangelical preachers, major league baseball players and business school graduates.

For more information about treatment options, or to share your experience with Crony's disease, write to hermioneslatkin@yahoo.com.

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Group Warns Spaying, Neutering Promote Pet Promiscuity

A growing number of traditionalist pet owners are refusing to have their dogs and cats spayed and neutered, saying that surgical sterilization encourages pets to be sexually active before they are emotionally ready.

Pet abstinence movement has legs, culture watchers say

By Deanna Swift

 

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BARTLESVILLE, OK—At just over a year old, Gunner looks—and acts—like a typical black Labrador Retriever. He bounds about the first floor of David and Shelley Frazier's split level home, his large paws hinting at just how big this pup will be when he reaches full size.

But Gunner isn't an ordinary pet—and David and Shelley are not ordinary pet owners. The three are members of a fledgling movement that promotes abstinence-only education for pets. While the vast majority of dogs Gunner's age have had their testicles removed in a process referred to as 'neutering,' 'castration,' 'fixing,' or 'altering,' this pup's sizable sacs remain intact, a testament to the Frazier's staunch opposition to neutering.

Promoting pet promiscuity?
"We felt like having him fixed was another way of saying 'you're good to go, Gunner. Go out and have all the fun you want,'" says Shelley Frazier. And that didn't sit well with their traditional values. Continues Mrs. Frazier: "At some point Gunner will find a mate and then he can start thinking about having puppies, but until then we're emphasizing abstinence as the best course for him."

But when they went looking for a pet-training curriculum that reflected their values, the Frazier's were shocked to discover that local dog trainers simply accepted that young dogs of all breeds and ages would freely engage in sexual activity—and promoted neutering as the best way to lower skyrocketing pregnancy rates among female dogs.

A traditional alternative 
So the Frazier's sought out an alternative, and after weeks of contacting other traditionalist pet owners they met their match: People for the Traditional Treatment of Animals (PTTA), founded in 2000 by long-time pet abstinence advocate Patty Dennon. At their very first meeting in nearby Oklahoma City, the Frazier's rubbed elbows with dozens of traditionalist owners of Afghan Hounds, Pointers, Pugs—even a Siamese cat—all committed to raising their animals 'right,' in a culture so morally bankrupt that even pets are adversely affected.

He heated up the screen in the critically acclaimed—and sexually charged—film Y Tu Mamá También, and he’s doing it again in the newly released Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights. Mexican heartthrob Diego Luna is now touting the importance of abstinence—for dogs and cats—in a new PTTA ad targeting the problem of dog and cat overpopulation.

Click thumbnail to view new PTTA ad.

 

"After a few hours of education about our program, 75% of the people in the audience become convinced that animal abstinence is the way to go," says Dennon. "Our goal is actually to create a culture shift in the way that pets are treated in America. We want to see the concept of abstinence be the norm rather than the exception."

Handling misconceptions
Dennon's traditionalist approach to raising and caring for pets may strike some as unfamiliar. Instead of encouraging pet owners to get their dogs and cats spayed and neutered, Dennon focuses on values, or better yet, the lack of values in today's animal world. The poster child for that degraded culture: Smarty Jones, last year's Kentucky Derby winner and a notorious stud. Mr. Jones, who was booed and hissed at one recent PTTA meeting, has reportedly had 111 different sex partners this year.

When Dennon does speak of spaying and neutering, it is to warn the pets and their families that the sterilization processes won't necessarily prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. "What I tell them is that if your pet is spayed or neutered and chooses to have sex, they're not getting the protection they think they are," says Dennon. As for her own 7-year old tabby, Rachel, and her 3-year old Portuguese Water Dog, Bruno, Dennon puts her money where her mouth is. "If either of them came to me and was going to have sex, I wouldn't tell them they needed to get spayed or neutered first. I don't think it will protect them."

Pet heaven
As for the Frazier's, they came out of the PTTA meeting more convinced than ever that abstinence is the best course for Gunner—at least until he enters into a committed relationship. "This is the best situation for him because he shares our values," says Shelley Frazier.

And when they're not trying to keep Gunner away from the Foxhound floozy down the street, the Frazier's have a new mission: figuring out a way for their puppy to accompany them when they are 'raptured,' or summoned up to heaven in the event predicted in Thessalonians and expected to take place any day.

So far though, it seems unlikely that the Frazier's abstinent pooch will be able to travel skyward with them at rapture-time. Most prophecy experts agree that when the believers are raptured, their pets will probably be left behind.

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'Bloodless' Cheney Bewilders Doctors

Doctors who performed surgery on Vice President Dick Cheney over the weekend to remove aneurysms from behind both of his knees say that they made a bewildering discovery: Mr. Cheney has no blood flowing through his veins. Doctors present in the operating theater also determined that the Vice President's body temperature is approximately 45 degrees, less than half the average human temperature.

Lab tests reveal ethylene glycol and green fluorescent dye. 

By Hermione Slatkin

WASHINGTON, DC--Doctors who performed surgery over the weekend to treat aneurisms behind both of Vice President Dick Cheney's knees say that they made a bewildering discovery during the procedure: Mr. Cheney has no blood flowing through his veins.

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An astounding discovery
Surgeons say that they made the highly unusual finding while implanting stent tubes in the Vice President's legs, intended to help what they expected to be blood flow through Mr. Cheney's weakened arteries. Instead of fluid plasma and cells, however, the doctors encountered something altogether different: a viscous fluorescent green liquid.

A bright green liquid
"We were prepared for the typical amount of bleeding that accompanies any invasive procedure, but I'd never seen anything like this before," says Dr. Marvin Henry, one of the team of surgeons that operated on the Vice President. "Liquid tissue is ordinarily a deep red in color when it's exposed to oxygen. This liquid was bright green."

Mystery in a test tube
Puzzled by the mysterious fluid circulating through Mr. Cheney's veins, the surgeons immediately collected some of it in test tubes and sent the samples to the laboratory at the George Washington University Hospital. There, a team of chemists and lab technicians got to work, conducting experiments and analysis in order to identify the structure and composition of the liquid.

"It tastes disgusting"
The lab experts finally identified the fluid through a taste test; one brave technician detected the presence of a bittering agent known as denatonium benzoate (trade name Bitrex). After that, it wasn't long before the scientists knew what they had on their hands: ethylene glycol, more commonly known as antifreeze, the water-based liquid coolant used in gasoline and diesel engines to keep them from freezing.

A body temperature far below normal
The surgeons who performed the operation on Mr. Cheney say that they suspect that the presence of antifreeze in his veins is most likely the result of intelligent design, the work of the same designer who gave the Vice President a body temperature less than half that of the average human beings. While most humans maintain a temperature of 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, or 37 degrees Celsius, Mr. Cheney's internal temperature is just 45 degrees Fahrenheit, a mere 13 degrees above freezing. "At temps that cold, he probably doesn't have to worry about his organs freezing up but things can definitely get a bit sluggish," says Dr. Henry. "That's probably why his designer gave him ethylene glycol. It was a very intelligent thing to do when you think about it."

Surgeons kept the Vice President on ice throughout the six-hour long procedure in an effort to keep his body temperature from rising to normal human levels.

Antifreeze no risk to stent grafts
Doctors say that there is no reason why the stent tubes implanted behind both of Mr. Cheney's knees can't help the Vice President's internal antifreeze to circulate despite the fact that they were originally designed to aid in blood flow. While lab technicians were unable to identify Mr. Cheney's brand of antifreeze, they speculate that it is likely one made by the Dow Chemical Company, a major contributor to the Bush/Cheney election fund in 2000. 

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Poll: Rove, Bush Deserve Same Benefits that Married Couples Have

According to a recent poll, a wide majority of Americans believe that long-time companions President Bush and advisor Karl Rove should have access to the same rights that married couples enjoy. Under current law, Mr. Rove would be denied hospital visitation rights should the President become ill. Nor could the two exercise the right to refuse to testify against one another should legal troubles befall one or both of them.   

Legal limbo for a couple of more than 30 years

By Deanna Swift

WASHINGTON, DC—A new poll reveals that an overwhelming majority of Americans believe that President Bush and his confidante of more than 30 years should have access to the rights and privileges enjoyed by their married counterparts. Under current state and federal laws, with the exception of the gay state of Massachusetts, Mr. Bush and Mr. Rove are denied more than 1,000 rights afforded to married couples, including the right to visit one another in the hospital in the event of an emergency and the right to refuse to testify against one another should legal troubles befall one or both of them.

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'How can something so right be so wrong?'
According to the poll, 71% of Americans answered 'yes' to the question "Should President Bush and Karl Rove be able to enjoy the same benefits and responsibilities that married couples have?" Twenty-eight percent of Americans answered 'no.'

The poll was conducted by the Swift Report, a popular conservative Weblog that frequently covers gay issues of importance to the GOP. Earlier this year, the Swift Report released the results of another poll in which it ranked the most influential gay Republicans. In that survey, actor Charlton Heston narrowly beat out such party luminaries as Abraham Lincoln and J. Edgar Hoover for the honor of 'top' GOP gay.

America embraces a conservative couple
What accounts for the embrace of the long-time political partners, at a time when much of the GOP remains hostile to gay marriage in particular and to homosexuals in general? Swift Report founding editor Todd Fox, the author of the forthcoming self-help guide "Stumbling Down the Yellow Brick Road: An Ecumenical Ex-Gay Travel Journal," (Regnery) speculates that because the two men live their lives in the public eye, not in the closet, many Americans have come to accept their relationship.

"They're in the news day after day in a way that allows us to really celebrate their partnership, their closeness," says Mr. Fox. "And when we see that these two guys have been able to make it work for more than 30 years, I think that something in our heart-of-hearts says 'let's help them make it permanent. Let's help them go all the way.'"

A warm bath of affection—but trouble ahead?
But while the poll may signal the high regard—and the warm bath of affection—in which most Americans hold the relationship between Mr. Bush and Mr. Rove, the two still face a rocky road together given the current legal climate. For instance, should the two be embroiled in some kind of legal trouble, Mr. Rove could not refuse to testify against Mr. Bush. He would have that right were the two married, or afforded the rights of a married couple.

A love name made public
There may also be limits as to just how much the public wants to know about these long-time companions. Case in point: the recent revelation regarding Mr. Bush's nickname for Mr. Rove, "Turd Blossom," meaning a flower that sprouts upon cattle excrement in Texas or a term of endearment between two men. (Mr. Rove's nickname for Mr. Bush, "Texas Longhorn," a popular term of endowment, has been less well publicized.) When Mr. Bush's name for his companion appeared in newspapers across the country, several editors moved to strike the reference, maintaining that it was unsuitable for family publications.

The Roberts effect
Sources close to the couple also say that good old-fashioned jealousy could be taking a toll on the two. Mr. Rove is reportedly unhappy with President Bush's choice for the Supreme Court, ex-gay conservative John Roberts. Says one insider: "Karl is worried because George had been spending so much time with John, who frankly is younger and better looking than Karl is. Who wouldn't be a bit wary?"

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Movement to Classify 'Liberalism' as Mental Disorder Gains Steam

Think that some of President Bush's judicial nominees are 'out of the mainstream'? Worried that John Bolton may not have the temperament to represent the U.S. at the U.N.? If some Republicans get their way, there may soon be an official diagnosis of what really ails you: political paranoia disorder.

American Psychiatric Association approves the inclusion of "Political Paranoia" in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

By Hermione Slatkin, medical correspondent

NEW YORK, NY—When Zacharia Goodman recently sought out the help of a therapist, it was no mystery as to what was ailing him. The 27-year-old copy editor was so consumed by his belief that President George W. Bush stole the 2004 election that he was having trouble sleeping, completing rudimentary tasks at work, and carrying on conversations about topics not related to politics.

The therapist he consulted wrote Goodman a prescription for the social anxiety drug Paxil and encouraged him to spend less time reading left-wing Web logs and listening to Air America.

This particular story has a happy ending; Goodman admits that he's already far less irritating to be around than he was just a few weeks ago. But countless paranoids just like him may be going untreated, say mental health professionals. The reason: the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or DSM presently excludes political paranoia from its 933 pages of symptoms, diagnoses and treatment recommendations.

 Download the Political Paranoia Inventory (PPI) Self Test

 

Democrat or just demented?
Now a group of Republican lawmakers is hoping that they can do something about the problem. Early this summer, Senator Bill Frist, the first practicing physician elected to the Senate since 1928, plans to file a bill that would define "political paranoia" as a mental disorder, paving the way for individuals who suffer from paranoid delusions regarding voter fraud, political persecution and FBI surveillance to receive Medicare reimbursement for any psychiatric treatment they receive.

Rick Smith, a spokesman for Senator Frist, says that the measure has a good chance of passing—something that can only help a portion of the population that is suffering significant distress.
"If you're still convinced that President Bush won the election because Republicans figured out a way to hack into electronic voting machines, you've obviously got a problem," says Smith. "If we can figure out a way to ease your suffering by getting you into therapy and onto medication, that's something that we hope the entire 109th Congress will support."

A vocal supporter
GOP Congressmen aren't the only ones committed to helping Zacharia Goodman and the tens of millions of Americans who are believed to have contracted political paranoia disorder. Popular conservative radio host Michael Savage has also joined the call to help those suffering from this devastating illness. In his new book, "Liberalism is a Mental Disorder," Mr. Savage shares his observations of the affliction he likens to a national cancer.

While the talk show host has yet to endorse Senator Frist's bill—Mr. Savage would like to see Medicare and other socialist-type programs repealed as they are not explicitly mention in the United States Constitution—he is expected to join with the GOP Senate leader this summer in a series of town hall meetings entitled "Helping Your Liberal Neighbor: America Confronts a Mental Disorder."

A meeting of the minds
Of course, while Congress can pass laws defining mental disorders, the ultimate decision regarding the inclusion of political paranoia disorder in the next version of the DSM isn't up to legislators—or activist judges—but to psychiatrists. The entire assembly of the American Psychiatric Association (APA) cleared the way for that move at their recent national assembly in May.

This won't be the first time that the APA has bowed to political pressure to add or delete common mental disorders. In 1973, the APA removed homosexuality from the massive psychiatric desk reference. The 1987 publication of DSM-III-R deleted ego-dystonic homosexuality as well.

Have you been diagnosed with political paranoia disorder? Share your experience with hermioneslatkin@yahoo.com.

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Drug Companies Say Promising New Therapies Could Treat 'Deeply Held Personal Beliefs'

A team of scientists has announced a breakthrough in therapies that could someday be used to treat so-called deeply held personal beliefs. The therapies, known as VOX III inhibitors, target the area of the brain responsible for generating strong opinions and have already shown promising results when tested upon lab rats and on human subjects at either end of the political spectrum.

At last, a pharmaceutical cure for partisanship?

By Hermione Slatkin, Health and Science Correspondent

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Three months ago, retail manager Lou Beamer met the girl of his dreams. She was attractive, a solid wage earner and shared his love for movies and long walks on the beach. But there was a problem. 'Sarah' was a member of the American Civil Liberties Union, the notorious organization of secularists that seeks to strip all references of God from public life.

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"As soon as she told me, I knew that our relationship was over," says Beamer, who has since met someone whom he terms 'the woman of his dreams' through the Christian Singles Network. "She said those four letters, 'ACLU,' and I thought to myself 'I'm through with you.'"

Treating 'deeply held personal beliefs'
But what if there were a drug to help 'Sarah' overcome her secularist views? Or even better, a treatment that Mr. Beamer could take in order to temper his extreme aversion to secularists? The benefits, say experts, are obvious. Heterosexual couples like Beamer and 'Sarah' could someday sustain long-term relationships, even marriages. And the drugs could be used to heal the country's increasingly bitter partisan divide.

From lab to lobe
The new therapies, called VOX III inhibitors, work by targeting the portion of the brain responsible for generating strong opinions. Scientists have spent years developing the therapies, which they began testing upon laboratory rats. They initially divided their rodent subjects into three groups: so-called 'liberal' rats who were fed a steady diet of National Public Radio programming, 'conservative' rats, into whose cages was piped a mix of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and a control group for which the scientists played their own personal i-Pod collections.

After just three weeks of the selective programming, the channels were changed. For the partisan rats, says Dr. Wilson Reich, who oversaw the experiment, that switch was profound and painful—until they begin receiving an intraveneous drip direct to their frontal lobes, containing the VOX III inhibiting substance. "Then it was like we were dealing with a different group of rats entirely. The conservative rats could listen to NPR all day and you wouldn't see as much as a twitch," says Reich. "The possibilities for people were immediately obvious to all of us standing in the lab that day."

Ask your doctor if a VOX III inhibitor is right for you
The scientists are currently negotiating to sell their idea to a major drug company, and experiments on human subjects, many of whom have been diagnosed with political paranoia, are already underway. But while existing treatments for political disorders are confined to liberal diseases, experts say that the promise of the VOX III drug class lies precisely in its bipartisanship.

"I see patients all the time who are literally kept from living a useful life because of their deeply held personal beliefs," says Chicago therapist Lee Wichman, L.C.P.C. "They're such strong supporters of private Social Security accounts that they can't sleep. Or they end up losing their job because of their strong commitment to Darwinism. A drug like this might enable them to one day contribute to society."

Are you a candidate for a drug that treats deeply held beliefs? Ask your doctor, and talk back to hermioneslatkin@yahoo.com

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Ban on Gay Sperm Has Community Taking Matters into Its Own Hands

Last week's decision by the Food and Drug Administration to ban gay men from donating to sperm banks has angered many in the gay community, prompting some members to take matters into their own hands. A "call-to-arms" resulted in hundreds of semen samples being sent to the FDA's Rockville, MD, headquarters.

Protest organizers praise 'outpouring of support'

By Todd Fox

ROCKVILLE, MD—Long Island  residents Joey Mirras and Sandy McAvoy, domestic partners of 14 years, have never considered themselves "activists" and have little interest in politics. But that was before the Food and Drug Administration made its controversial decision to ban gay men from donating sperm to local sperm banks. The FDA's move, says Mirras, left them with bad tastes in their mouths, and prompted them to put out a "call-to-arms" among their extensive network of gay and straight friends. "We weren't going to take this lying down," says Mirras, whose movement called "Act Up, Jack Off" is now gaining national attention.

Sperm release hits the street
The protest has already resulted in hundreds of semen samples being sent to the FDA's Rockville, MD, headquarters. According to Maryland postal officials, the state's mail distribution centers have been flooded with the samples, sent in from all over the country and tagged with statements such as "Don't Ask, Don't Sell" and "Different Strokes for Different Folks." Mirras and McAvoy say that they plan to keep up the pressure on the agency until it comes to its senses. [Click thumbnail to view PDF letter urging the community to protest.]

Implications for GOP officeholders?
While the gay community has been sharply critical of the ban, the FDA's move also prompted harsh words from some unlikely quarters. A number of conservative Republican office holders are reportedly concerned that the new rule may affect them adversely, as most GOP leaders have turned out to be gay. One potential sperm donor who now fears being barred at the door: the Republican mayor of Spokane, WA, an outspoken opponent of gay rights who last week acknowledged trolling a gay website and soliciting sex with men.

"He's going through an incredibly rough time right now," says a source close to the embattled mayor. "It's tough enough for him to deal with the fact that he may have to step down from his job. Now he can't give sperm in Spokane? It's a tragedy."

Gay stem cells at issue?
In announcing the ban, which will prevent men who have had male sexual partners within the past five years from selling their sperm, the FDA cited statistics that gay men are at increased risk for diseases like HIV, syphilis, and hepatitis. But some observers say that the agency is less concerned about the sperm itself than about what that sperm might potentially produce: gay babies and their building blocks, gay stem cells.

Last month, a Kansas man who'd undergone stem cell therapy for male pattern baldness sued his doctors when he was diagnosed as gay just weeks after the procedure. Experts estimate that as many as 10% of all stem cells could be gay.   

An outpouring of support
Meanwhile, Joey Mirras and Sandy McAvoy say that they're thrilled that their call for action resulted in a quick response, and a flood of activity. "We really didn't expect so many people to respond so vigorously," said Mirras. "The outpouring of support has really been moving and motivating for us."

Do you think that the FDA has taken a badly aimed shot at the gay community? Send your opinion to toddfox4u@yahoo.com

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Critics Charge that New Food Pyramid is in Bad Taste

The U.S. agriculture department is unveiling a new icon this week intended to help Americans make healthy food choices. But despite its new look, the food pyramid now features plenty of familiar corporate logos. 

And a new slogan: "Invest in your health"

By Hermione Slatkin, Health Correspondent

WASHINGTON, DC—The Bush Administration has relied on sophisticated PR tools to promote everything from Social Security reform to a kindler, gentler image overseas. In what could be its most ambitious initiative to date, the administration has teamed up with a top PR company to change the way Americans eat. This week, the government will unveil a new, improved version of a familiar icon--the food pyramid--updated to include some familiar corporate logos.

For sale: the food pyramid
To overhaul its famous food pyramid, the Agriculture Department (USDA) has brought in top PR firm, Porter Novelli, at a cost of $2.5 million. Porter Novelli brings to the project an impressive roster of food industry clients, including the Campbell Soup Company, McDonald's and the Dole Food Company. Several of the companies have weighed in on the icon that will be used to help Americans make healthier food choices, suggesting, for example, that the pyramid include more processed foods, or specific brand names.

Sources close to the project say that many of those suggestions have been adopted, and that the revised version of the pyramid will feature prominent corporate logos in place of the old cartoon images of eggs, bread and meat. (Click thumbnail to enlarge image.) 

Invest in your health
Along with the food pyramid's high-powered makeover, The USDA is also rolling out a new slogan: "Invest in your health," a phrase intended to reflect the department's embrace of the Bush Administration's concept of an ownership society, in which Americans take personal responsibility for every aspect of their lives from home ownership to retirement to food choices.

"We want Americans to think about nutrition the way they do about their investments. Put something in, you want to get the maximum back in return," says Alan Schloesser, a spokesperson for the agency. "The new pyramid will help Americans identify what food choices will give them the most bang for their buck. Bread, cereals, rice and grains are like blue chip stocks—steady, dependable. Your meats and other fats are like high risk stocks—tech companies or emerging markets. It's fine to experiment occasionally, but you don't want to make them the basis of your portfolio or your meal plan," says Schloesser.

New standards—and some familiar logos
The USDA's new dietary guidelines encourage Americans to forego fatty favorites and sugary staples in favor of fruits, vegetables and whole grains. The government says that 50% of our daily diet should be fruits and vegetables. The new guidelines recommend that an average person consume roughly 4 1/2 cups of fruits & veggies and at least 3 ounces of whole grains a day.

But if the current obesity epidemic is any indication, transforming the way Americans eat may be easier said than done. And while many Americans may still be unfamiliar with whole grains or with unusual vegetables like broccoli or kale, the USDA is hoping that the introduction of familiar corporate logos will change all of that—in a hurry. "When you looked at the original pyramid, you had to try to guess what the picture symbolized. But images aren't always accurate," says Schloesser. "Just because something is brown doesn't mean it's made from whole grains."

In poor taste?
Critics note that most of the companies included on the new pyramid have made sizeable donations to either the Bush reelection campaign, or to the committee that sponsored the President's inaugural celebration. Unlike campaign donations, which are strictly limited by federal law, corporations may give unlimited amounts to inaugurations.

Company logos that will dress up the redone pyramid include Dole, whose CEO David Murdock brought in more than $100,000 for the Bush reelection effort. The meat, poultry, fish and dry beans category will sport the familiar Tyson logo. Tyson donated $100,000 to the 2005 Presidential Inaugural Committee. Finally, the fats, oils and sweets category will be stamped with two of the best known corporate logos in the country: Coca Cola and Pepsi Cola. Pepsi Cola gave $100,000 to the inauguration, while Coca Cola VP Barclay T. Resler was a Bush "ranger," rounding up more than $200,000 in campaign contributions for the president.

Not every company included in the new pyramid is a Bush donor. While the CEO of Kellogg's, Carlos Gutierrez, is President Bush's commerce secretary, the company has not given sizeable amounts to the Bush campaign or to the Republican Party.

Bottoms Up
The Food Guide Pyramid was originally introduced as an easy way to show what food groups make up a healthy diet. The visual aid also demonstrates the importance of consuming a variety of foods from all five groups. The pyramid shape (rather than a circle or square) also indicates which foods we should eat the most of and which we should eat less of. The food groups that make up the widest part of the pyramid, or its base, should provide the bulk of our daily diet. As we ascend the pyramid, the amount of foods we consume should get smaller.

The addition of corporate logos marks the first substantive overhaul to the Food Guide Pyramid since it was unveiled by the USDA in 1992.

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