June 15, 2006
Hippies, Dems 'Burned Up' Over Flag Amendment
For hippies, democrats and other malcontents, summer is traditionally the peak flag-burning season of the year. But a push by Republican Senators to pass the Flag Protection Amendment may pour cold water on solstice celebrations, veggie cookouts and other warm-weather gatherings that typically feature flag burning as a main event.
Dixie Chicks rethinking '06 "Burn This Flag" Tour
By Cole Walters
SEATTLE, WA—Eric "Banzan" Saxby describes himself as "one angry dude" these days. Mr. Saxby, who goes by the single name "Banzan," a Zen term meaning "indestructible mountain," recently got word that the US Senate is on the verge of passing an amendment giving Congress the authority to ban the burning of the American flag. The ban, says Banzan, represents a real bummer for individuals like himself, for whom the summer is typically the peak flag-burning season of the year.
"You got to do it, man," says Banzan, a former associate at a local bookstore who is currently between jobs. "We burn one every time we get together. It's just what you do."
Banzan and his friends, a loose-knit collective of vegetarians and vegans who describe themselves as deeply interested in the pursuit of alternatives, are far from the only disappointed flag-burners these days. Across the country, hippies, democrats and other critics of traditional values say that the flag-burning ban will leave a gaping hole in summer solstice celebrations, veggie picnics and other left-wing gatherings. Banzan and others have even convened a local spokescouncil to debate what else they might burn if flag desecration is in fact outlawed.
Dixie Chicks 'flame out'
It isn't just Seattle hippies that are burned up over Senate's move to protect the symbol that Americans hold dearest. Controversial country rockers, the Dixie Chicks, are also reportedly rethinking the concept for their 2006 tour, nicknamed the "Burn this Flag" tour. The Chicks, who will be touring the US and Europe this summer to promote their new album, "Taking the Long Way," had planned on burning a flag at each performance and were even offering discounted tickets to fans who brought in the ashes of a previously burned flag.
Wanted: an easier-to-burn flag
Not everyone is cancelling their plans to set the Stars and Stripes ablaze this holiday season. Seattle librarian and former John Kerry supporter Heloise Doucette says that she won't let a federal ban on burning douse her annual flag-burning fiesta. In fact, says Doucette, difficulty setting Old Glory alight last summer now has her in search of an easier-to-burn flag.
"When you see our flag going up in flames overseas it seems like all they have to do is just set a match to it and it's done," says Doucette. "But with the rainy climate out here you can go through a whole box of matches just to get a blaze." Ms. Doucette says she's currently scouring online auction sites for a 'pre-doused' flag and may even try to acquire one from overseas.
Dems: protect the Mexican flag
While the drive to protect the flag from enemies of American freedom at home and abroad is being led by Republican Senators, members of the Democratic Party have indicated that they're considering a flag protection act of their own: of the Mexican flag. Democratic Party leaders, including House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi, were reportedly deeply disturbed by images of the Mexican flag being torched at rallies earlier this spring. The Democratic measure would make burning the Mexican bandera a federal crime punishable by imprisonment.
Should Americans who burn the flag lose their right to vote or be deported? Talk back to Cole Walters at email@example.com.
June 15, 2006 | Permalink
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Tracked on Apr 20, 2009 4:51:14 AM
Some of these actions I for one can not understand. I ask the rights but the form in which matter and express yourself.
Posted by: piese auto | Feb 3, 2010 6:31:19 AM
Wow. This is great comedy. I'm really enjoying this website as a source of entertainment.
So, um....hippies? Do you mean those kids from the 1960s? Don't we call those people "grandparents" now? I really wouldn't worry much. Grampa isn't trying to set a flag on fire on purpose. He's just a klutz. The same thing happens every time he tries to make toast. Best to keep him away from the curtains. Oh, and the vacuum cleaner, too.
Posted by: Daniel Thomas MacInnes | Apr 8, 2008 11:31:23 PM
Excuse me there sport but I'm a Viet-Vet and later Activist against that war and hated seeing people [mostly stupid kids]who knew no better,burn our flag,even though technically it was legal!so...don't stereotype, oh yeah I was a hippy,probably still am,not conservative nor liberal,definately an athiest,oh yeah the french when they're angry burn cars!
Posted by: Donald LaFace | Feb 21, 2008 1:02:28 AM
Hummm, get rid of the bums. Let them experience the gratitude of other Nations around the globe, when they try to burn their National flag. I would however, place several other classes of US malcontents in the front of the deportation line. I am befuddled by the simpleminded amongst us who continuously degrade our Country with their nonsense on how oppressive it is here when all they have to do is leave and savor the joys of living in other less oppressive Countries (huhhh). If that isn’t an oxymoron, what is?
Posted by: Michelle Campbell | Oct 15, 2006 12:34:53 PM
Come back, Swift Report! Come back!
Posted by: Doodle Bean | Sep 16, 2006 11:01:25 PM
Just discovered The Swift Report. Brilliant, whole site is brilliant.
Posted by: Gourney Detoure | Aug 24, 2006 6:10:29 AM
like all they got the time for is stupidity. what happened to our leaders? Bill Gates for president!
Posted by: sunraygospel | Jul 31, 2006 3:02:08 PM
Jeezus H Frickin Christofascist looney tunes, I can't stop laughIng at the 'gary' poster above commenting 'God Bless America and No Place Else'. Yes, your imaginary, albeit evil sky god only blesses Dumbya and his devout followers like you gary.. Hey, did you ever manage to comprehend that what the flag stands for in a representative democracy that the 21st century GOP has destroyed is more important than the actual 'symbol' for it???
Let us not forget the well researched number 1 element most common to all 20th century fascist regimes: 1.) Powerful and Continuing Nationalism: Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.
Then of course the 8th most common element to all 20th century fascist regimes that goes hand in hand with nationalism today in 8.) Religion and Government are Intertwined: Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government's policies or actions.
Posted by: Adnihilo | Jul 13, 2006 4:26:37 PM
The United States Flag Code states: "The Flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem of display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferable by burning."
Posted by: George | Jul 6, 2006 3:14:59 PM
We should call it "Flag Murder" and prosocute these free-speach wackos the same way we do child killers. Why do these crazy liberals like to burn thing so much? Flags, weed, books... oh, wait. That last one is us.
Posted by: gary | Jun 28, 2006 1:47:46 AM
God Bless America and No Place Else.
Posted by: ray | Jun 23, 2006 1:45:13 AM
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