This week, a delegation of conservative journalists--including the Swift Report's own Deanna Swift--will travel to Baghdad in order to bring you what the so-called mainstream media won't: good news. In today's installment, the first of a Swift Report series, Deanna kicks off her "Truth Tour" travelogue, giving readers an advance peek at her week inside Baghdad's exclusive Green Zone.
Packing sunscreen, Chanel shades and an appetite for the truth
By Deanna Swift
TAMPA, FL—Well, we're off! As you no doubt know by now, I'll soon be on my way to Baghdad, part of a delegation of conservative journalists fed up with the way that the so-called mainstream media poops all over our country (excuse my French!) and this war we're winning.
And instead of holing up in four-star Baghdad hotels like those other reporters (AKA: the 'Bad News Bears'), our Truth gang will be bringing you success stories straight from the source: U.S. Central Command headquarters inside the exclusive Green Zone. [Click thumbmail to enlarge image of Melanie Morgan.]
But enough about our mission; you want to hear about me! What am I packing? Are our "Truth Tour" tents really co-ed? And how do I plan to protect my hair and skin from summer sandstorms?
Camping for a cause
Let's get the gossip out of the way first: there is no truth to rumors that I'm going to be bunking with handsome Buzz Patterson, author of "Reckless Disregard: How Liberal Democrats Undercut Our Military, Endanger Our Soldiers, and Jeopardize Our Security." The tents we'll be sharing in the Green Zone are strictly same sex. Dibs on the sleeping bag furthest away from the freedom shield, Melanie!
Patriots pack light
The bash America crowd may insist on "reporting" from Iraq wearing flak jackets, bulky body armor and helmets to exaggerate the dangers of Baghdad, but you won't catch members of the Truth Tour hiding under such unflattering garb. Nothing gets between a conservative journalist and her mission!
A 'listening' tour
OK—enough of the so-called mainstream media telling Americans how they feel about the war. Now it's time for conservative journalists to tell you how we think ordinary Iraqis feel about the fact that the war has been a huge success for them. Best of all, we won't go on and on like some reporters. Our daily broadcasts will wrap up for you all of the positive things happening in Iraq—in under a minute.
And a daytrip to Fallujah
My comely colleague Melanie Morgan put it best: most journalists in Iraq spend their days '"sit[ting] around in a hotel bar," cribbing each others quotes "so they don't have to go out and cover the war." Not the Truth Tour! I plan on getting out and exploring the countryside a bit during my visit to the freedom front. Tops on my agenda: Fallujah, just a 40 minute bus ride from the Iraqi capital, but a world away from the hustle and bustle of the big city.
Wish me well!
Well that's enough for now—if I don't finish packing my Vuitton bags soon, the "Truth Tour" plane to Kuwait is going to take off with out me! Now where did I put those Chanel sunglasses?
Ps: if you'd like to ask an ordinary Iraqi how well things are going, send your question to firstname.lastname@example.org