Devil Endorses Hillary Clinton's 08 Presidential Bid

New York Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton has received the season's first major political endorsement: from the Devil. While Mrs. Clinton is often likened to the Devil, this is the first time that the so-called 'Master of Hell' has actually endorsed a candidate. Meanwhile, speculation has already begun as to whether Mrs. Clinton is to be the sole recipient of Satan's endorsement or whether he will throw his weight behind several candidates, including Senate Republican leader Bill Frist

Devil most likely read new book, "The Truth About Hillary," by Edward Klein

By Deanna Swift

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NEW YORK, NY—New York Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton's anticipated run for the presidency in 2008 got a major boost yesterday when she received the first major endorsement of the political season: from the Devil. News of the endorsement became known last night when the Devil phoned into the late-night radio program of the Fox News' Alan Colmes to announce his decision.

This is the first time that the Devil has officially endorsed a candidate, although he is believed to have played a behind-the-scenes role in several earlier races including Richard M. Nixon's campaign for re-election in 1972, the lopsided contest between Walter "Fritz" Mondale and Ronald Reagan in 1984, and the 2002 run for Congress by Florida's Katherine Harris. No announcement has been made on whether Ms. Harris will again receive Satanic support when she runs for Senate in 2006.

GOP and Hell like 'Hill'
A spokesperson for Senator Clinton declined to make an official statement about the Devil's endorsement but noted that Mrs. Clinton has significantly broadened her support in the past two years and has strong support among some Republicans including former House Majority Leader Newt Gingrich.

"We're obviously pleased and flattered to get a vote of confidence no matter where it comes from." As for whether the endorsement surprised 'Team Hillary,' the spokesperson acknowledged that "The Senator is increasingly popular among Republicans, including some of those at the top level of the party hierarchy."

More endorsements likely
According to political insiders, though, Mrs. Clinton shouldn't get too comfortable being the sole designee of 'brand Beelzebub.' With the 2008 field already cluttered with likely contenders, more endorsements from the A-list fallen angel are a near certainty. And while Mrs. Clinton was an obvious first choice—her name recognition extends from this world into the next, and both she and her equally famous spouse have been likened to the Devil—second and third choices are already lining up.

Horned beings for Frist
Senate Republican leader Bill Frist would be hard pressed to do worse than win Satanic support for his bid for the Presidency. In a recent poll, only 4% of Americans surveyed said that they would vote for Dr. Frist in the Republican primary if it were held today. That number—well behind other GOP figures including Condoleeza Rice, Jeb Bush, and Vice President Dick Cheney—would almost certainly increase were Dr. Frist to win the official backing of the Devil.

'She'd sell her soul to be President'
As for why the Devil decided to break with tradition and make public his support for a candidate, long-time politicos say that the answer to that question most likely lies with a bestselling new book "The Truth About Hillary," by Edward Klein. The damning expose of the New York Senator, depicting a woman who would 'sell her soul to be President,' has been widely reviewed and is currently #13 on the Amazon.com bestseller list. Among the episodes that likely caught the attention of the Devil: a violent exchange in which the future Mrs. Clinton reveals her taste for blood by punching her then boyfriend in the nose for losing her pet rabbit.

Hillary Clinton is a tool of the Devil
Opponents of Mrs. Clinton, who have long suspected that she is an agent of the Devil, say that they are relieved to have finally received official confirmation that she is indeed backed by Beelzebub. Bumper stickers and buttons sporting the slogan "Hillary Clinton is a tool of the Devil" are reportedly already selling briskly.

What Presidential candidate do you believe that the Devil should endorse next? Talk back to Deanna Swift.

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