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April 28, 2005

Bush Blasts Homosexual Energy Agenda

Bush_gaythumbIn a speech on the nation's energy needs, President Bush reached out to a sizeable portion of his base: conservative consumers who are eager to get their SUVs on the road in time for summer driving season—but also dislike gay people—or at least find the gay lifestyle incompatible with their Judeo-Christian values. Under increasing pressure to do something about high-prices at the pump, Mr. Bush placed the blame on what he called the 'radical homosexual energy agenda.'

How to convince followers that the Prius is not a 'gay' car 

By Deanna Swift

Bush_gaysWASHINGTON, DC—With the summer driving season just weeks away—and his supporters eager to climb behind the wheels of their Ford Explorers and Jeep Grand Cherokees—President Bush used a last-minute speech yesterday to blast the homosexual energy agenda, which he blamed for driving up prices at the pump. In the wide-ranging talk, Mr. Bush touched on such seemingly disparate topics as the excessive use of lighting in gay dance clubs, the misperception that the Toyota Prius is a 'gay' car, and the need to roll back regulations that are keeping the nuclear power industry tied up in knots.

A tax on consumption
In his speech to a Small Business Administration conference in Washington, Mr. Bush laid out an ambitious plan to curb excessive consumption of energy by gays, who by some estimates consume as much as 20% of the nation's energy allotment, including oil imported from Saudi Arabia and Venezuela, and natural gas that is piped down from gay-friendly Canada. A recent study by the independent think tank, Americans for Traditional Energy Consumption, concludes that oil from the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge or ANWR could fuel American SUV's for nearly two years—if gays reduced their trips to the gym by half.

Mr. Bush singled out practices that he said were particularly wasteful, including the excessive use of hair dryers, hot tubs and the installation of recessed or track lighting to show off Waterford crystal collections and other domestic show pieces. The President also hinted that his administration might consider the imposition of a tax on such wasteful consumer goods to phase out—or at least discourage—their use. "The problem is clear; the problem did not develop overnight," Mr. Bush told the crowd of small businessmen. "It is not going to be fixed overnight."

The Prius: not just for gays
Prius_gayIn addition to the tough talk about track lighting, Mr. Bush also encouraged Americans to explore alternative sources of energy, including hybrid and fuel-cell vehicles and vehicles using new clean, diesel technology. While the Bush administration has long embraced tax cuts to spur the use of such technologies, it has been hampered by the persistent belief by many Americans that hybrid vehicles in general, and the Toyota Prius in particular, are so-called 'gay cars.'

Just how widespread are such beliefs? The Prius was recently identified by listeners to the popular NPR show "Car Talk" as "the ultimate gay and lesbian car." Asked to choose between a Prius and a 2006 military-style, Duramax turbo-diesel V-8 Hummer H1, members of the popular conservative Web site Free Republic, the so-called "freepers" were quick to throw their weight behind the Hummer, dismissing the hybrid cuties as "vegan weenie" cars.

Some culture watchers have said that the link between the Prius and the homosexual energy agenda likely has to do with the vehicle's name and its unfortunate resemblance to the moniker of the Roman god Priapus, the patron of gardens, viniculture, sailors and fishermen best known for his enormous phallus.

Gay_drinkPower of prayer
Mr. Bush's proposals were immediately cheered by members of his conservative religious base. Religious leaders including Dr. James Dobson, Pastor Roy DeLong of the Baptist Leadership Council and Pastor Rod Parsley are reportedly planning a high-profile follow-up to the recent Justice Sunday called "People of Faith Turn the Lights Out on the Homosexual Energy Agenda."

"This is an unbelievably important issue," explains Sandy Slokum, executive director of Defend Our Marriages, an Arlington, VA, advocacy group that seeks a constitutional amendment that would ban adultery. "We have to reach out to all of our members and explain to them that the high-price of gas at the pump isn't their fault but someone else's."

Deanna Swift can be reached at deannaswift1@yahoo.com

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Tracked on May 2, 2005 11:24 AM

Comments

It is not "sad", but an indication of how far the right wing is divorced from reality, that this could readily be taken as a legitimate report. I have read all too many such reports that the wingnut right was taking seriously. Listen to Ann Coulter. Rush Limbaugh. Sean Hannity. What one of these would not have reported this as"serious" news? And these are "moderte" and "reasonable" compared with many, less well known names. Smell the coffee, people.

Posted by: JBob | May 14, 2005 08:27 PM

Just love those conservative christians, rushing about, looking for somethin' to scream about. Hope they will end up like the Whoo-Whoo birds that fly in ever diminishing circles screaming "Whoo-Whoo" till they finally disappear up their own asses.

Posted by: Art Durand AKA Whitebear | May 3, 2005 08:09 PM

I dont think its silly or showing a lack of intelligence when people believe such a story. I think it shows how scary this regime of leaders can be. I think it says volumes about how scared gay people in this country are about what they will be blamed for next. It wasn't long ago we were blamed for 9/11 and to me that should have/could have been a satire piece equally as funny.

Posted by: gay rob | May 3, 2005 11:34 AM

it's amazing the amount of people taking this seriously. they really do not understand the phrase "reading between the lines"

Posted by: Chris McGarry | May 3, 2005 11:02 AM

At first I though, "what the..." Then: oh, SWIFT Report! Now I get it! Jonathan would be proud of you.

Posted by: Laurilei | May 2, 2005 08:04 PM

This is hysterically funny stuff. Not only did Drudge fall for it, so did Rush Limbaugh. He said he wasn't sure if the site was legit, but if it was, those extra-religious-right activist had to "chill out".

Ha! Great job! I'm a conservative Republican that loved it!

Posted by: DMOnline | May 2, 2005 03:50 PM

i'm gay AND have a toyota prius!

i wonder if john stewart has seen this site...

Posted by: Dave | May 2, 2005 11:34 AM

Are liberals dumb enough to believe this crap? Don't forget in Quran 9:11, the wrath of the Eagle would
be felt throughout the lands of Allah. LOL!

I got some real estate in Antarctica to sell. It is quite and pristine. Only 500 an acre!

Posted by: happy gilmore | May 2, 2005 10:42 AM

Funny Stuff! This was actually featured in the "Drudge Report" earlier today but they have since removed the link.

Posted by: Jim | May 2, 2005 10:37 AM

This is a joke website I hope

Posted by: fdog9 | May 2, 2005 10:28 AM

Ok, it's really sad when people cannot seperate satire from reality! Funny story, and even funnier since some people are so stupid they think it's supposed to be true! Keep up the good work.

Posted by: hahaha | May 2, 2005 10:26 AM

you're kidding me right? where did you go to journalism school? did you? this is amazing--

i think you need to go learn your history or something, study current events, i don't know, but bush never mentioned gays and hairdryers or dance club lighting. get over yoursefl you fool.

Posted by: chris | May 2, 2005 10:18 AM

What a bunch of stupid cunts you all are!

Posted by: Ethel Rosenberg | May 2, 2005 10:12 AM

The Prius IS a "gay car"!

You liberal scum....

Posted by: IamSocialist | May 1, 2005 08:20 AM

Look for American automakers to start refering to the Prius as the Gerbil.

M

Posted by: Matt | April 29, 2005 11:07 AM

"the radical homosexual energy agenda" are to blame for high gas prices? Well I know that Mr. Bush's pals, the Saudis, wear those funny lookin' dresses but I didn't know that they were all gay!

And not to be overly dramatic but my 12 year old is studying post WWI Germany this blaming homosexuals sounds like Hitler blaming the Jews for Germany's problems.

Posted by: marianne | April 29, 2005 08:58 AM

Wow! Now I understand why evrytime I see a hybrid I feel like my marriage is threatened.

Posted by: Julee | April 29, 2005 06:44 AM

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