White House Hopes 'Pip-Squeak' Can Help Peddle Social Security Privatization

Tired of being pounced on by 'silverbacks,' the White House is turning to an unlikely spokesman to pitch its Social Security plan: a 9-year-old from Houston, TX, named Noah McCullough. The Bush administration hopes that Noah will have better luck selling its plan than grown-up Republicans have had.

A bright boy, but can he pass the Swift Report Social Security Quizzle™?

By Deanna Swift

KATY, TX—Tired of being shouted down by 'silverbacks' at every turn, the Bush administration is hoping that a youngster can do what grown-ups in the GOP have failed to do so far: convince Americans to partially privatize the government-run retirement program. Nine-year-old Noah McCullough, a 4th grader at Williams Elementary School here in Katy, will join the president's Social Security road show in March, as soon as his school lets out for spring break.

This is far from Noah's first foray into presidential politics. He campaigned for President Bush in the recent election, attended the inauguration, and even penned a guest column about the inaugural parade for his hometown newspaper, the Katy Sun. "The 55th Inaugural Parade was delayed but well worth the wait," wrote Noah, noting that his favorite personages—other than the president, of course—were Trent Lott and Tom DeLay. "They are both incredible leaders and who put a lot of time organizing each detail of the inauguration to make sure that it was festive and amazing."

The smartest boy in the world?
Noah has already made 5 trips to the Tonight Show, to show off his veritable storehouse of knowledge about presidential history. This summer, he bested Howard Dean in a trivia face off at the Democratic National Convention. The 'littlest Republican' and the former Vermont governor went head to head, answering such questions as 'who was president when the United States acquired Hawaii? Answer: William McKinley. But after Noah correctly identified the first secretary of state (Jefferson), and Dean misidentified the first president to travel outside the country (it was Theodore Roosevelt, not James Madison), the verdict was in: Dean had lost again.

Gen Z vs. the 'Silverbacks'
As part of an all-out battle to sell President Bush's Social Security plan to the people, Noah will travel to several states, appear on local radio programs, answer trivia questions and make some remarks about the popular retirement program. "What I want to tell people about Social Security is to not be afraid of the new plan," Noah told the New York Times. "It may be change, but it's a good change." He also said that he fears that the program could be bankrupt by the time he runs for the presidency in 2032.

Bush administration officials are hoping that the nine-year-old has more luck pitching the program to the people than grown-up emissaries of the GOP have had so far. In recent weeks, luminaries including Rick Santorum have been shouted down by aggressive 'silverbacks,' also known as AARP members. The angry seniors have packed town-hall sessions, peppering their politicians with hard questions about the future of Social Security.

No kidding
Deputizing the 4th grader as a volunteer spokesman for private retirement accounts is just one part of a multi-pronged GOP strategy to sell the privatization program. Earlier this week, USA Next, an advocacy group that bills itself as a conservative alternative to the AARP, went on the offensive against the retiree group which it maintains supports gay marriage and opposes the troops.

USA Next is now collecting the opinions of seniors who are "tired of AARP's liberal games." Wrote one fed up senior: "They recently sent a petition asking for my wife and I to sign to fight against the President's Social Security plan. I replied with a letter accusing them of being a Socialistic outfit."

Deanna Swift can be reached at deannaswift1@yahoo.com.

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