SpongeBob Denies Reports that He's Gay

SpongeBob SquarePants lashed out at Christian conservative groups today after they accused him of promoting homosexuality and questioned the undersea cartoon icon's sexuality. SquarePants also requested that the tabloid media respect his privacy during what he called "a difficult time."

Cartoon icon calls James Dobson a “goofy goober”

By Russell D'Arby, Arts and Entertainment Correspondent

BIKINI BOTTOM—SpongeBob SquarePants is dismissing allegations by a prominent Christian conservative leader that the cartoon icon is promoting tolerance of homosexuality among children and may be gay himself. Bikini Bottom's best-known resident is also asking the tabloid media to respect his privacy, and that of his cartoon sidekick Patrick, during what Mr. SquarePants acknowledged is "a difficult time."

This small underwater community has been under siege since last week when James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, condemned Mr. SquarePants for promoting a "pro-gay agenda." Dobson, who was in Washington DC attending various high-profile inaugural events, also attempted to 'out' Mr. SquarePants to major media outlets, noting that the cartoon star and his best friend Patrick are frequently seen holding hands.

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy
Dobson and other conservative Christian leaders are upset at a new video in which Mr. SquarePants and several other cartoon stars, including Barney, Big Bird, and Arthur, are seen singing and dancing in a "We are Family" children's video. The video, produced by the We Are Family Foundation, is intended to promote a message of tolerance and diversity among school children.

While Dobson did not openly question the sexuality of any of Mr. SquarePant's co-stars, Big Bird and Barney are both believed to be gay. The two are said to have been involved, until recently, in a long-term relationship. Neither of the characters consented to be interviewed for this article.

Dobson: meet ManRay
While Mr. SquarePants has made a point of steering clear of politics—he refused to endorse either President Bush or democratic challenger John Kerry during the recent presidential election—he took the unusual step of issuing a public statement in response to Mr. Dobson's allegations.

At a hastily called news conference in Bikini Bottom yesterday, Mr. SquarePants, who was flanked by Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs, tried to keep the tone light, starting off the proceedings with a joke. "Somebody call the police! There's a pants thief on the loose!" he told the crowd. But the cartoon star appeared noticeably drained, and soon struck a more serious note. He reminded Mr. Dobson that "licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets," and told the crowd of reporters not to worry. "Tomorrow we'll be back for more frolic and fun."

Mr. SquarePants made no mention of his sexuality, but as he and Patrick were hustled off by Officer Nancy, Patrick was seen slipping his hand into Mr. SquarePants’ back pocket.   

Sacred sponge
SpongeBob SquarePants is not the first cartoon character to come under attack by conservative Christians. In 1999, the Reverend Jerry Falwell declared that Tinky Winky, the popular purple Teletubbie, was probably gay because he carries a purse.

While conservative Christian activists are hoping that their campaign against the cartoon figure will cause the We Are Family Foundation to shelve their plans for a pro-tolerance video, other Christian leaders seem to be distancing themselves from Dobson and his associates.

At least one prominent religious leader sprung to SpongeBob SquarePants' defense yesterday, noting that a sponge figured prominently in the final moments of Jesus Christ. "A sponge was basically responsible for making His last minutes on earth comfortable ones," says Roy DeLong, Pastor of the Spring Hill Baptist Church in Spring Hill, KS. "It's right there in John: 19: 'A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips.'"

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