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December 16, 2004

New SAT Questions Replace Evolution with Creation

SatWhen a new version of the Scholastic Aptitude Test goes into effect this month, students attending schools in districts that have phased out the teaching of evolution will no longer be forced to answer questions about the controversial theory. Instead, they'll be tested on their knowledge about the six days in which God created the earth and the great flood that took place 4,300 years ago. 

New version of test to be administered in 'red' states of Georgia, Kansas

By Cole Walters
Education Correspondent

NEW YORK, NY—When a new version of the Scholastic Aptitude Test, or SAT, goes into effect this month, students who live in school districts where creationism rather than evolution is taught in science classes will no longer be forced to answer questions about the controversial theory. Instead, officials from the College Board, the nonprofit entity that administers the SAT, have announced that those students will be tested on their knowledge about the six days in which God created the earth and the great flood that took place 4,300 years ago. 

Sat_readingcomp_1Students who take the revised test, to be introduced in school districts in Kansas and Georgia this month, will no longer be tested on their ability to comprehend passages from scientific texts that are based on the disputed theory of evolution. Instead, they will read excerpts from writings on such creation-related topics as the six days in which God created the earth or the great flood, then answer a series of questions to indicate how well they've understood the passages. (Click image, left, to view questions; or download PDF.)

The revision, says College Board spokesman Lester McCue, is a reflection of the changing nature of science content being taught in high schools around the country. "The SAT has to keep up with these changes or risk being left behind. We can't test kids on material that they are not being taught," says McCue. "In the past, we've evaluated students' ability to comprehend passages about historical scientific events, and while we'll continue to do that, the test now assumes that the world is 6,000 years old as opposed to hundreds of millions of years old."

On the eighth day, test
Darwin_jesusIn the aftermath of the election, proponents of science education based on creationism rather than evolution have made headway in school districts across the country. In Kansas, conservatives who want to challenge the teaching of evolution now represent a majority on the state school board. They are expected to change the state science curriculum as early as the spring; the new version of the SAT will be introduced in Kansas soon after that.

In Georgia, school district officials in Cobb County are under fire for placing "just a theory" stickers on the covers of high-school science books that contain information on the theory of evolution. A US district court recently ordered the district to remove the stickers that called evolution "a theory, not a fact" from science textbooks. Administrators in that district have already approved the use of the modified SAT test.

Testing students on the Truth
"This is exactly what we've been fighting for," says parent Marla DeVries, who has been working with other Cobb County parents to replace atheistic science education in the schools with an approach that credits the role of the Creator. "It doesn't make sense for our kids to have to be tested on something that they don't believe. Would you have them read a passage and answer questions about Santa Claus? I don't think so."

In recent surveys, a majority of Americans indicated that they favor teaching a variety of explanations of human origins and evolution in schools. According to an ABC news poll taken early last year, 61% of Americans believe that the Bible's book of Genesis is "literally true" rather than a story meant as a "lesson."

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When referring to the actions of any religious group, please give the name of the denomination. It is unfair to tar Christians in general with the actions of one or two denominations. And conversely, denominations use this technique to give wider credence to views held only by one creed.
If I haven't spelled "denominations" right, the content of this comment is irrelevant. If I have mispelled "irrelevant", please regard this comment as relevant. Heck, it's all relative, anyway. Which brings us to the question (you might even say it "begs" the question), What denomination do your relatives belong to (or, conversely, to what denominations do your relatives belong), and is it relevant, or relavent?
Let's answer those relavent, or relevant questions, before we theorise about evolution.
After all, you can't say "evolution" without saying "evol"! Or almost saying "revolution"!
And you nose I didn't pick my relatives.

Posted by: Derbig Mooser | December 26, 2004 02:57 PM

I see that, despite having pointed out that this is an obvious joke (which contributors here should have realized at once on their own), it is still being used by blathering morons as an excuse to launch into vacuous diatribes. Quite frankly, I am more worried about you rubes than YECs.

Posted by: Robert O'Brien | December 20, 2004 05:03 PM

It's hard to see so many intelligent people respond so desperately to this false issue; we all know there is a difference in the study of science and the study of religion.
This is about power, don't waste your energy responding to this fake argument. Nobody can make you believe these stupid things. We have a very smart,well educated middle class: if Bush wants to push this fundamentalist "opiate" on us he's going to have a really hard time doing it. We aren't illiterate peons and an opiate's not for us. We couldn't buy it if we wanted to.
Bush and his unscrupulous and unprincipled corporate cronies want to use the religious right like guard dogs to control the rest of us while they skim off our money and do exactly as they please. They won't worry about whether God created the world in six days- they'll just worry about how to spend our money! They won't worry about adultery or any other "sin", they'll just do it if they want to. They don't believe this fundamentalist stuff any more than we do, but they do believe in using fundamentalists to control us. And they believe constant war will control us. We should get busy showing these fundamentalists that their holy emperor is really not very holy, and he's really not on their side. He's laughing at them, he thinks they're fools.
We should also get busy trying to get a revote. Bush will always cheat, always take the elections. If we can't re-establish the rule of law by actually holding Bush accountable under law, then our laws will have lost their meaning at the highest level. If he knew of the fraud, he committed treason.

Posted by: Kim Anderson | December 20, 2004 01:09 AM

Good satire.

Good replies too.

The earth is old, so is mankind. Further, we are well over the 6000 year old mark with the recent discoveries of sunken cities off the west and south coasts of India, and increasing proof that the Reg Veda is at least 10000 years old!

We live in a time of denial. All we need to ask is how much longer will we endure the inane denials?

Posted by: boilerman10 | December 19, 2004 05:57 PM

Forget carbon dating, try potassium argon, uranium-thorium, and some long-term dating. If these dingbats weren't so entertaining to the elite conservative media I don't think they would get any attention. Give some of these people a week and they would put the books of Fred and Barney into the bible, or at least tell you why the Catholic/Illuminati/Jews/ Masons took them out entirely or excised them from the Apocrypha-The Girls gone wild section of outlaw biblical text.

Posted by: Erik D. Hilsinger | December 19, 2004 05:11 PM

What are they going to be teaching next in school? That the Earth is the center of the universe and the sun rotates around us, because God created it? Evolution is not an opinion, it is fact. If a family wants to raise children to believe that the Earth actually was created in 7 days then by all means, do so. But children should at least be able to learn about evolution and then make an educated decision by themselves, without having an opinion crammed down their throats by their parents. If they have so much faith in thier beliefs then what are they afraid of if thier children look at all the options. Some religious people have such a hard time acepting science instead of looking at all the technology our Creator has given us to beter understand our environment.

Posted by: Disgusted student | December 18, 2004 11:18 PM

What an ignorant and embarrassing country we've become. The damage that the Bush Administration has trickled down to the mindless minions has set in motion an excuse to set aside a millennium of understanding that we're not at the center of the Universe. If there's anything in history that is to be learned is that organized religion will go to any extremes to stifle science while protecting its foundation built on a very arrogant house of cards. Yet, we're forced to cast aside all this progression of knowledge to provide dumb and ignorant people an excuse to remain dumb and ignorant while catering to their insecurities. There are recorded periods of history such as the dark ages where the human race has literally stood still on common sense and enlightenment . All the signs point towards this as being the direction we are heading in. The powers that be in this country have made it perfectly clear that they don't encourage an egalitarian approach to life and self interest is controlling the helm, therefore making an embarassment out of the SAT's is just another reminder that we're heading down the path towards devolution, not evolution.

Posted by: LTM | December 18, 2004 05:29 PM

I agree that evolution should be taken out of teaching. Every single bit of theory that there was has been disproved by science. If the theory of evolution was true someone would have found a viable link between man and monkey, you don't evolve overnight and the process would have taken thousands of years. Ancient artifacts are found on a daily basis thousands of years old and there is no in between. A pit bull and a cocker spaniel are the same species they just look different, however there is no link between man and monkey. Even the smartest scientists like the two guys that discovered DNA believed in evolution until they found no evidence. One of them even converted to christianity. Most people who believe in God don't need evidence. Though there is a lot of it.

I am a christian and I did not vote for BUSH.
-It makes me sick to my stomach how he uses christianity for his own personal gain, but it is more disturbing that the majority of christians believe in him. That is why relion gets a bad rap, but it is not everyone.

Posted by: impose the truth | December 18, 2004 10:41 AM

Very well done satire. The one comment I'd make is this: it's been a good fifteen years since I took the SAT, so they may have changed it radically in that time, but...well, the SAT is math and verbal. Not science. There are no questions about evolution, obviating questions about creation. The verbal section has always contained passages of fiction -- reading comprehension doesn't depend on whether or not the reader believes the passage.

As long as your target audience completely forgets about that particular facet of the SAT, this is perfectly believable and very well done.

Posted by: Highly Amused | December 18, 2004 10:26 AM

Please, please post the original source information.

If this is real, the usefulness of college exams is relegated to getting into the religious colleges. Why would any institution of real higher learning bother with students who score well on these questions?

Posted by: EmlonFabulon | December 18, 2004 10:25 AM

Wonderful satire. Evolution is, of course, a factual,natural process. One need only look at the various strains of drug-resistant bacteria for proof. The only thing theoretical about Darwin's theeory of evolution is the process by which it occurs; natural selection. Nobody explained it better than the late, great Stephen Jay Gould.

Posted by: Brian B | December 18, 2004 07:30 AM

Science isn't perfect, neither is religion. Science has been hideously wrong in the past, and will continue to make mistakes in the future. Those who get up and wave a science textbook around saying 'someone found out that the world's 4 billion years old' is taking it purely on faith that a/ they are being honest and b/ they got the right answer.
These are exactly the same assumptions any follower of a religion has with the Bible, Qu'ran (Koran) and so on. Lay off the 'holier than thou, I have a faith that can be proven, by someone much smarter than I who just read an article in New Scientist'.
This article may be a joke, pointing out that blind faith in religion shouldn't restrict science. Perhaps the reverse should also be considered, that a blind faith in science can be just as dangerous.

Posted by: Rob | December 18, 2004 05:56 AM

Science isn't perfect, neither is religion. Science has been hideously wrong in the past, and will continue to make mistakes in the future. Those who get up and wave a science textbook around saying 'someone found out that the world's 4 billion years old' is taking it purely on faith that a/ they are being honest and b/ they got the right answer.
These are exactly the same assumptions any follower of a religion has with the Bible, Qu'ran (Koran) and so on. Lay off the 'holier than thou, I have a faith that can be proven, by someone much smarter than I who just read an article in New Scientist'.
This article may be a joke, pointing out that blind faith in religion shouldn't restrict science. Perhaps the reverse should also be considered, that a blind faith in science can be just as dangerous.

Posted by: Rob | December 18, 2004 05:53 AM

Is this some kind of a joke? There is no evidence or proof that there is any existence of any deity whatsoever. And we have carbon dating for showing how old life is.

Posted by: Robin | December 18, 2004 05:38 AM

The scariest thing about this kind of article is that it is _very_ hard to discern satire from reality when dealing with the USA nowadays. Many would believe and not just the out of naivete , what does that say?? What does that say?

Posted by: tim | December 18, 2004 04:25 AM

"A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider god-fearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side." - Aristotle

Fundamentalism isn't about religion. It's about power.
- Salman Rushdie

"I believe today that I am acting in the sense of the Almighty Creator. By warding off the Jews I am fighting for the Lord's work."
- Adolph Hitler, speech to the Reichstag, 1936

"I believe today that my conduct is in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator."
- Adolph Hitler, Mein Kampf, pg. 46

"I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job."
- George W. Bush, Lancaster County, July 2004

"God told me to strike at al Qaida and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did, and now I am determined to solve the problem in the Middle East."
-George W. Bush

Saturday, November 13, 2004
Theocracy Watch, a site which will become more and more important as the conspiracy to turn the United States into the land of fruitcakes continues over the next four years and beyond). The recent crooked election with its nut-controlled computer voting machine companies is just a small part of the conspiracy. When you see seemingly independent actions across the United States to promote creationism, remove the separation of church and state, applaud the genocidal policies of the State of Israel, and attack human rights, including reproductive rights and rights for homosexuals, you have to realize that much of this is centrally organized and funded by a not-so-vast, but very committed and very well funded, extreme right-wing conspiracy. This particular conspiracy is probably the most important and most dangerous one in the United States, and, due to the fact that it is violently colonialist and militaristic in its pursuit of a Christian empire, the world. Americans now face the very real danger of having the country turned into a religious-fascist dictatorship right under their noses.

Read: "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood to get a fictional prediction of what these people intend to do.

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal
from you and understand why you would propose and support
a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage.

As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based
between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with
as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind
them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some
other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves,
both male and female, provided they are purchased
from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that
this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her? (I'm
pretty sure she's a virgin).

3. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I
know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -
Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim
the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be
put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself,
or should I ask the police to do it? How can I help
you here?

5. A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't
agree. Can you settle this? Aren't there 'degrees' of

6. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the
altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to
admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to
be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

7. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

8. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of
a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?

9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by
planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it
really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting
the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
family affair, like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and
thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters,
so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.

Posted by: Mark (not the gospel) | December 18, 2004 02:27 AM

The Bible must be understood as God's word, but it must be remembered that there are two kinds of truth within the Bible: Literal truth, and SPIRITUAL truth. Literal truth is what we know to be MATERIAL, and spiritual truth is derived from understanding the symbolic value of many passages and chapters. Not all of Scripture CAN be taken literally, just as not all CAN be taken figuratively. Those who are either die-hard SKEPTICS or die-hard FUNDAMENTALISTS miss the point of Scripture entirely. Jesus tells us in John 6:63, "My words are SPIRIT", meaning that they must be understood in a mostly figurative fashion. In other words, the Bible must be read IN THE SPIRIT, not by earthly, carnal eyes.

Posted by: Ben | December 18, 2004 12:15 AM

I beleived this article when I first saw it. That's what's so scary, that I had no reason NOT to beleive it. Then I read the first comment. Randy's attitude is just as much a danger to society as the fundementalist dominion view, primarily because it allows the fundies credibility and gives them a foot in the door. Allowing religion to take a position side-by-side with science and reason is a huge mistake that will allow them to take over. That is precisely what is happening now. Keep them in their churches where they belong and DO NOT let them bring their hate outside.

Posted by: Keith | December 17, 2004 10:28 PM

What can I say to those who will not listen?
I too hope this is just a spoof, but with todays society I would not put it past them. The vocal Minority speaks for us all. They say the squeaky wheel gets greased. I say that the Squeaky wheel can also be replaced. In the end after the pendulum swings in the the other direction and finally settles down, society and humankind as a whole will finally understand the real truth.

That is: Evolution and certain religous historically proven facts go together. They are one and the same. Right now we have a bunch of blind idiots touching different parts of the elephant and trying to force us to believe that the elephant is something else. One day, all these idiots will be gone and the truth will rise out of this muck and we will be okay.

But right now I would just love to bury some of these religous nutcases who seem to think that they can disprove reality, when the Man upstairs has been yelling at them all along to open their eyes.

The bible is a BOOK. Written by man as an account based on what the people in that day and age saw and felt and lived. Those people are not me, are not todays people. I do not know of anything in that book can be scientifically proven. I do not know of anything in that book that disproves Reality either. It is just an account of events. Science was alive and well and moving right along back in those days, they just werent advanced enough to employ such things. Plus when there is a majority that can enforce their ideals and way of thought on the population, thru closeminded pigheaded stubborness and stupidity, what do you get as the result? The Inquisition? Sounds like it to me. Supress free thought and societal advancement in light of stupidity.

I truly think the Man upstairs is laughing his head off over all this. He has handed us all pieces of the "Puzzle." He made us all in his image, with all our varying ways of seeing and believing in hopes that we would take our separate pieces of the "Puzzle" and work together to put it together so that Reality can be seen.

This will never happen with the current idiocy and closemindedness that is rampant today. And He is up there having a good laugh over it.

Posted by: Randy | December 17, 2004 09:56 PM

Surely this has to be a joke. I mean, I fully believe that Christians would try such a thing, but I don't think the SAT people would fall for it. Then again, similarly crazy things are going on... Florida is trying to repeal its seperation of church and state laws, 44% of Americans believe that Muslims should have their civil liberties curtailed (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20041218/ap_on_re_us/muslims_civil_liberties), and that one is a real story...
They may as well hand out pointy hats and lighter fluid in church.

Posted by: frightened_agnostic | December 17, 2004 09:10 PM

Just MHO, but I don't think evolution is a theory. I think the theory is about how evolution works in nature (natural selection, etc). I am pretty sure I got that piece of info somewhere along the line.

Great spoof, btw.

Posted by: Alkemi | December 17, 2004 07:52 PM

Is this a joke? Honestly.

Posted by: Jaylen | December 17, 2004 06:22 PM

Thank GOD! We are finally moving toward the almighty! I hope that one day all of us will be members of the Landover Baptish Church! Go visit here: http://www.landoverbaptist.com/

Posted by: Howard | December 17, 2004 05:25 PM

Divide and conquer...divide and conquer.

Posted by: CDiggity | December 17, 2004 04:24 PM

if you don't believe - secede - make the world a safer place!

Posted by: everyman | December 17, 2004 04:20 PM

PS: Google:

Education Correspondent "Cole Walters"

There is no journalist named "Cole Walters," (except on this web site, but thanks for the laugh. It was a convincing hoax.

Posted by: @ | December 17, 2004 02:20 PM

Yes, it's obviously a joke. Search the college board site with the word creationism and you'll get a whopping ZERO hits.

Posted by: @ | December 17, 2004 02:17 PM

Do you have the full URL of this article? Where was it published? Thanks.

Posted by: Lilly | December 17, 2004 02:13 PM

"the controversial theory of evolution. Instead, they will read excerpts from writings on such creation-related topics as the six days in which God created the earth or the great flood, then answer a series of questions to indicate how well they've understood the passages."

LOL! This has to be my favorite part of the whole article. "...the controversial theory of evolution...", yes yes, as opposed to the PROVEN theory of creation? What a bunch of tools.
LOL The end is coming my friends, operate as a unit and stay together.

Posted by: Cognitive Dissonance | December 17, 2004 01:18 PM

Hello, morons, it is obviously a joke.

Posted by: Robert O'Brien | December 17, 2004 12:41 PM

Looks like the U.S. is heading down that fabulous road to irrelevance that the Muslim world took about 1,500 years or so ago. They once were the center of scientific and academic breaktroughs until they took a sharp right to "Religiously Pure Thought," gaining control of their education systems. Now all they practically have left are their Madrasses teaching the Koran. Any Muslim with a grain of intelligence has to go to Europe, the U.S. or other Western school to get a real education. This is why there is such poverty in the Muslim world today. At least they lucked out on the oil thing, or they would be about as competitive, economically, as plain dirt vs. Platnum. Give these flat earter people a chance so we can all be kissing some major Chinese ass in about 50 years. You better start learning Mandarin baby.

Posted by: Bill Short | December 17, 2004 11:53 AM

These nut-jobs will screw up everything mankind has worked for. The simple minded faith based blinders they wear rots the mind. The only way mankind will survive is if the inteligent ones among us stand up and put these wacko's in their place.
Religion as a whole has caused more pain and suffering than any other single cause in history. If these morons have their way there will be no science at all because sciene has debunked every hair-brained belief presented in the bible, or any other religious book for that matter.
The only function religion can possibly serve is to numb the minds of the weak as to obscure reality enough to make life easier for them. The fact is here in the real world we have many problems that need to be tended to. Organized religion is on the top of this in my opinion.

Why is it the church can get a free ride on taxes in effect raising everyone else's taxes? Why should a person who has enough brains to know that religion is a tool used by governments to control the population, be forced to prop up the very religious organisations that are stealing the publics money to further their insane simple minded archaic beliefs?

The fight for tommorow is upon us. We can step up and make these liars pay taxes and slipp away from existance or we can sit back and watch our country become completly entrenched in a religion driven government with the sole desire of keeping the people ignorant while funding the very vehicle that drives us backwards thru time to a place where the earth is flat, women have one less rib than men, and anything that can be proven by carbon dating to have existed for more than 6,000 years has been placed here by the Devil himself to trick us into not believing in their mythical diety.

Absolutly pathetic creatures we humans are if we allow this to happen.

Posted by: Brian | December 17, 2004 11:09 AM

Things are getting so wierd around here that I almost believed this one but there is no mention of this revolutionary maneuver on the College Board website and they are not known for allowing test questions to leak so I think this is a spoof. At least I pray it's a spoof. I went to Catholic elementary school and I can assure you that Sister Michael Paul would never have stood for this nonsense.

Posted by: val | December 17, 2004 10:53 AM

this shit is just plain unAmerican. Idiots. IDIOTS!!!

Posted by: Onceler | December 17, 2004 10:48 AM

The idiots will rule America until the literate ones refuse to let them.

Remeber, America was colonized by the rejects of European civilization...

Perhaps we are merely demonstrating proof of evolution by showing the inevitable results of an inferior gene pool.

Posted by: bigbillhaywood | December 17, 2004 10:20 AM

This is a pathetic attempt to undemine scientific thought and knowledge. How will these youngsters reconcile their info. with scientific data in the basic sciences? They will be unable to perform effectively as physician/healers if they have to rely on "God's will" for patient care outcomes!

Posted by: Unbelievable | December 17, 2004 10:16 AM

I am a Christian (and I teach math. I am worried about this last development on SATs because I don't believe the bible is inerrant (neither does Jimmy Carter who has a degree in nuclear physics). I believe the bible is a vehicle. It has been around for 2000 years. In it, one of the most striking things is Jesus saying "My Kingdom is NOT of this world." Christians should NOT be mixing church and state. Billy Graham said in his book "Just As I Am" that Southern Baptists have traditionally stood FOR Separation of Church and state. Moreover, the Republicans, are going WAY against certain passages in the bible which tell us to pay workers a fair wage (Isaih 58) and support the poor (second chapter of the book of James). Jesus tells us to give to those who beg, and not turn away those in need. I go to www.sojo.net
and they don't worship Bush. These Republicans think Bush is the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. He is not.

Posted by: TheChristianRightIsWrong | December 17, 2004 09:53 AM

For some reason, the post I made is attributed to Joseph Paul, and his post is attributed to me. I just want to make that clear. Please direct any mail to the appropriate scribbler. Thanks

Posted by: Joseph Phillips | December 17, 2004 09:49 AM

When will this madness end? The religious crazies are taking over everything.

Posted by: Joseph Paul | December 17, 2004 09:44 AM

I am an English graduate living in a rural Georgia town. People at both my local bank and courthouse have urged me to teach here because they say there is a serious shortage of teachers. From what I understand about the seperation of church and state, I conclude that the split is necessary because religions tend to fight with one another and waste time better spent understanding empirical data. An ancient preIslamic Iranian religious doctrine called the Meshaf Resh claims that women were created from men's armpits, and that a bird pecked a hole in Adam's butt so he could defecate. I think it only fair that this information be included on the SAT. Also, according to the Bible, Noah was drunk when his son Ham buggered him. Noah might have been gay. How would this fare with local Christians? Teaching stories about a drunken, gay, incestuous boat-builder. It's just not right. Just because the kids of the U.S. continue to fall behind the math and science test scores of children of other countries doesn't mean it's a good thing. Carbon-dating is provable. If Noah had two of every animal on his boat, is it safe to say he was running a bestial brothel? It's only a theory.I'm afraid to teach in a local school. Georgia placed last or almost last among all U.S. schools this past year. Maybe if kids here pray hard enough, and take enough meth, they will understand calculus.

Posted by: Joseph Phillips | December 17, 2004 09:35 AM

We live in a nation of idiots and fools. Creation is pure horsecrap, dressed up as religion and substituted for science. In Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles", the Waco Kid said it best when he said "These people are the salt of the earth, your basic American stock, you know ... morons."

Posted by: Thomas R Arnold | December 17, 2004 08:41 AM

Quit making fun of me. I am rather insecure.

Posted by: God's Son | December 17, 2004 06:59 AM

Huh? Remind me why I stay in this country? These clowns don't deserve advanced techology or modern medicine. Let them inbreed into oblivion. Oh, that's right...they're the abstinence only folks....I suppose that's even better. How ironic. They'll illustrate one of Darwin's amazing revelations. The fittest will survive while the unfit will perish. Praise that Darwin dude.

Posted by: Shakinghead | December 17, 2004 01:09 AM

Well, for the longest time I had absolute faith in Carbon dating -- but if the Earth is only 6,000 years old then 100 years of Quantum Physics has to be tossed out the window.

Oh well, I guess this is par for the course -- but what about the geologic record? Surely it proves that T. rex wasn't a predoator of the wolly mammoth??

Oh my. I am quite confused now. Here all these years I though the Laws of Thermodynamics was a reality.

I guess not.

Posted by: LL | December 17, 2004 12:41 AM

The SAT is going to reward kids based on bible knowledge rather than on prose comprehension.

The last question makes no sense whatsoever in relation to the passage.

Who needs to understand and make critical judgements on any article when one can refer to the ancient hatebook for the ultimate understanding

Posted by: SP McManus | December 16, 2004 10:05 PM

This is so un-funny. But I still can't help laughing at the phrase "just a theory". Putting a sticker on a book saying "it's just a theory" is the equivalent of putting a sticker on your forehead saying "I don't know the meaning of the word THEORY".

Posted by: winter patriot | December 16, 2004 09:27 PM

OK it's official - I now officially suffer from SIDD (Satire Identification Deficiency Disorder).

Posted by: yank in london | December 16, 2004 08:33 PM

These students shouldn't be allowed into college until they can take and pass a science course. Otherwise I want no part of them in their future lives as "doctors" or "lawyers" "guided" by "Godswill."

Posted by: dejah thoris | December 16, 2004 08:06 PM

Just great! A tiny planet located in the Orion Arm on the fringe of the Milky Way Galaxy. Gee! There are 100 billion suns like ours within our own galaxy, and with our Hubble Telescope, we've viewed a slice of the sky that reveals 125 billion galaxies the same size as ours. Wow! God takes an interest in our audacious and puny species? What lunacy on our part.

Posted by: john stanton | December 16, 2004 07:33 PM

Is this a joke?

Posted by: concerned american | December 16, 2004 07:24 PM

Aw hell no, please tell me this is a joke.

Posted by: Balta | December 16, 2004 06:55 PM

It will be interesting to see what colleges will accept these kids if their interest are in geology, palentology, or even basic anthropology. I remember doing basic lab work for a sedimentology class, related to deposition, it was based on replicating sand stone formations along the front range in Colorado, to determine how long it took to create the strata... even the kids that screwed up their experiments came up with answers in the hundreds of thousands of years, not the hundreds of millions, as was correct. What a shock it will be when their faith based concepts clash with reality. Science was always based and graded on facts, not bogus data, at least when I was in school.

Posted by: C.J. Rapp | December 16, 2004 06:10 PM

So according to College Board spokesman Lester McCue, "...[the revised SAT in Kansas and Georgia] now assumes that the world is 6,000 years old as opposed to hundreds of millions of years old."

I guess ol' Les was out sick as a kid on the day his science class learned that the Earth is more than FOUR BILLION years old.

Posted by: Saul Selzer | December 16, 2004 05:48 PM

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